Obama Makes New Year’s Resolution To Fix Economy
Politics
Gov. Blagojevich Reads Copernicus: ‘Will Fight This Heliocentrism Thing’
CHICAGO—It was announced today that the recently disgraced governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich recently picked up a copy of On the Revolutions of Celestial Spheres, Nicolaus Copernicus’ watershed tome on the heliocentric nature of our solar system, and declared he “will fight this heliocentrism thing.” Despite overwhelming evidence in support […]
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In Final Presidential Act, Bush Completes US Christmas List
ASKS SANTA FOR $20 TRILLION, ENERGY SOLUTION, AND THE WII WASHINGTON, D.C–In his last major act as President of the United States, George W. Bush has officially completed and signed into law the United States Christmas List. Since time was running out for the Bush Administration, he decided to act […]
Read more ›Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause
By Stanley Waters This year, the citizens of the United States will receive a special Christmas gift from the government. In light of recent economic difficulties and a general feeling of gloom across the country, Congress is expected to revise the Constitution for the first time in several decades. The […]
Read more ›White House To Be Painted Half Black
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Cheney Mistakes Bush For Lame Duck, Shoots Him
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Obama Considers ’85 Bears Defense To Head Homeland Security
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Senator Ted Stevens Launders Some Money To Buy Toiletries
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