Chipmunk Police arrived at White Plaza early Tuesday afternoon in response to a call from Stanford Chipmunk Republicans (SCR) President Alvin Puff-Cheeks, who alleged that a hostile squirrel assaulted him at an SCR tabling event the group was holding in support of Squikkity Squeak’s recent confirmed appointment to the Chipmunk […]

Brett Michael Kavanaugh – leader, patriot, lifetime celibate. In an exclusive interview with The Flipside, the newest Supreme Court Justice clears the air about some of the pesky controversies surrounding his recent appointment. The Honorable Judge began our conversation with an emphatic declaration: “I have never had sex. I’ve never […]

Several days after President Donald Trump launched several targeted missile strikes against Syrian chlorine facilities in retaliation for Bashar al-Assad’s use of chemical weapons on civilians, news has emerged that the despot’s backyard pool has finally begun to smell vaguely like human piss. “We drew a red line, a big […]

On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of the Senate Judiciary and Commerce committees in a long-awaited reckoning for the Facebook CEO. Viewers anticipated the excoriation brought on by the compelling interrogation on Facebook’s loose handling of data and government regulation of tech companies. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana began […]

The college application process is hard, and no one knows that better than high school seniors. But when Clark Whitby, of Henry David Thoreau High School’s Class of 2018, tried to find a little online help to clear up his options, a foolish mix-up led him to mistake the Stanford […]

No surprises here, folks: just another lazy teenager, sucking dry the plump teat of Lady Liberty. Local millennial Trevor Corks might seem like a good kid on the outside — after all, his parents did their best to raise him right — but a closer look reveals something far uglier […]

In a surprise announcement Monday morning, Jeff Sessions introduced a new anti-crime bill aimed at stopping “urban youths” from snatching fresh-baked pies off window sills where they’d been set down to cool for a moment. “For far too long, young urban miscreants have terrorized innocent pie-bakers across this nation,” Sessions […]

A warm glass of milk, a quick splash of water to the face, and the company of his stuffed childhood pal “Arnie the AR-15” – these are the rituals that have lulled Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to sleep every night since he was a young boy. Only when clutching Arnie […]