Former SCR President Finally Leaves Hospital 16 Months After “The Push”

January 24, 2020 10:18 am
Former SCR President Finally Leaves Hospital 16 Months After “The Push”
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PSA: Stanford Vibe Police on High Alert

November 20, 2019 9:52 pm
PSA: Stanford Vibe Police on High Alert

We have received word from several reputable sources that the rumors are true. The Stanford Administration has determined that there are too many people with “rancid” vibes about campus, and have been taking drastic and authoritarian measures to “correct” the vibe atmosphere on campus. For the entirety of this school […]

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Hubris Punished: Winnie the Pooh Castrated for Having Larger Scrotum Than Zeus

October 23, 2019 12:00 pm
Hubris Punished: Winnie the Pooh Castrated for Having Larger Scrotum Than Zeus

Alas, the wretched Winnie the Pooh has finally reaped that which he’d sewn, for his monstrous testes have now been shorn from groin by the Almighty Zeus himself. Pooh, that horrid, horny bear, dared not only to possess a scrote larger than that of the Lightning God, but what more, […]

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Amid Human Rights Abuses and Declining Support for Local Regime, U.S. Backs Coup in Flint, Michigan

May 21, 2019 7:00 pm
Amid Human Rights Abuses and Declining Support for Local Regime, U.S. Backs Coup in Flint, Michigan

As the humanitarian crisis worsens and citizens grow increasingly critical of local leadership, the U.S. Department of State has announced that it will begin actively pursuing regime change in Flint, Michigan to prevent further human rights abuses. Although widespread lead contamination of the city’s water first began in 2014, officials […]

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Flipside News in Brief: Georgian Mistresses, AAU Surveys, and Night Rabbits

May 18, 2019 4:49 pm
Georgia State Capitol Building in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

Georgia Passes de facto Abortion Ban, Exception for Senators’ Mistresses News came last week of a Georgia bill outlawing abortions, a potential challenge to the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade ruling. Interestingly, the fine print of the bill includes a single loophole — women ages 18 to 22 working under the […]

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Theresa May Only One Surprised by EU Release of Kraken into English Channel

April 22, 2019 11:55 am
Theresa May Only One Surprised by EU Release of Kraken into English Channel

In a totally foreseeable move this past Tuesday, the European Union (EU) enacted Military Operation 17C, nicknamed “The Tentacled Menace,” in response to the UK’s inability to come to terms on the withdrawal agreement. Publicly regarded as the EU’s strongest military weapon, the “Tentacled Menace” is none other than the […]

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Klobuchar Attacks Booker for Being “An Electoralist Hack” with “No Handle on Dialectical Materialism”

March 4, 2019 7:00 pm
Klobuchar Attacks Booker for Being “An Electoralist Hack” with “No Handle on Dialectical Materialism”

As the presidential primary season gets under way and the Democratic roster becomes increasingly packed with candidates looking to go toe-to-toe with President Trump in 2020, things have taken a nasty turn after Sen. Amy Klobuchar publicly attacked Sen. Cory Booker as “an electoralist hack” with “absolutely no handle on […]

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Bernie Sheds His Exoskeleton Again, Emerging 30 Years Younger and Ready to Rumble

February 25, 2019 7:00 pm
Bernie Sheds His Exoskeleton Again, Emerging 30 Years Younger and Ready to Rumble

In a video announcing his presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders (D-VT) is seen staring grimly at the camera. As the video draws to a close, however, Bernie engages in his quadrennial ritual: he curls up on the ground, convulses a few times, and shucks off all of his skin and clothing, […]

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El Chapo’s Private Zoo’s Lack of Diversity “Troubling”, DeVos Says

February 19, 2019 7:00 pm
El Chapo’s Private Zoo’s Lack of Diversity “Troubling”, DeVos Says

Notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, who has been on trial in Brooklyn over the past month, has been revealed to own a private zoo. After the court’s biased and unfair decision to sentence him to life on February 12th, many men and women have spoken up, condemning […]

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Trump Calls Off Government Shutdown After Visit by Ghosts of Three Honduran Migrants

January 14, 2019 7:00 pm
Trump Calls Off Government Shutdown After Visit by Ghosts of Three Honduran Migrants

WASHINGTON – Earlier this morning, President Trump shocked both Democrats and Republicans alike when he announced from the White House Rose Garden that he’s giving up on the government shutdown, and his “kooky scheme” of building a border wall thanks to a late-night visitation by the spectral reincarnations of three […]

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