The Top Five Times The Guy From Planet Earth Encouraged Me to Kill All My Birds

October 9, 2017 12:00 pm
The Top Five Times The Guy From Planet Earth Encouraged Me to Kill All My Birds

David Attenborough, that mischievous scamp who does the voice-overs on BBC’s award-winning Planet Earth, is always encouraging me to murder my pet birds. Here are the top five strategies he’s attempted. The Time He Backed It Up With Evidence Mr. Attenborough is first and foremost a man of science, so […]

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A Farewell From Our Seniors

June 5, 2017 2:12 pm
A Farewell From Our Seniors

Dear cherished readers, On this, our last issue as Editors of The Flipside, we would like to extend to you our utmost thanks, for our time editing The Flipside has made us extremely wealthy and famous. As we look down at our gold-plated laptops and shiny gold-plated pens, we weep, […]

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Opinion: The Only Legitimate Marriage Is One Between a Man and a Woman and Me, WWE Legend Randy Orton

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Opinion: The Only Legitimate Marriage Is One Between a Man and a Woman and Me, WWE Legend Randy Orton
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I think Donald Trump Is A Terrible Person, But I Sure Do Love His Music

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I think Donald Trump Is A Terrible Person, But I Sure Do Love His Music
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The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

The drought is gone, and California is saved. We did it! And now that the water’s back, we are glad to bring these wet tidings to you now. Turn on all of the water taps. Let them run. For now is a time of plenty! We’ve got water to spare, […]

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Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

May 21, 2017 12:00 pm
Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

Stop him! Oh dear god, do you see what he’s doing? He’s beginning to scare the children. I realize that he has good intentions and all, but the mouth-breathing is just getting completely out of hand.  I’ve been planning Tommy’s birthday party for over a month now, and Ed is […]

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Op Ed: I Used to Think “Safe Spaces” Were Dumb, Then A Pack of Timber Wolves Started Stalking Me

May 19, 2017 12:00 pm
Op Ed: I Used to Think “Safe Spaces” Were Dumb, Then A Pack of Timber Wolves Started Stalking Me

If you had talked to me about politics a few weeks ago, I would’ve had one thing and one thing only to say to you: these college kids need to stop it with their damn safe spaces! Out in the real world, they can’t expect everyone to coddle them and […]

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Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

May 15, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me.  I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other.  It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed […]

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Op-Ed: I Can Detach My Jaw Like an Anaconda in Order to Eat Eggplants Vertically

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Op-Ed: I Can Detach My Jaw Like an Anaconda in Order to Eat Eggplants Vertically

Yes, I have the ability to detach my upper jaw from my lower jaw so that my teeth can be separated by a greater distance in order to eat certain vegetables vertically. Typically, the vegetable in question is an eggplant. Once my jaw is detached, I am constrained only by […]

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OpEd: The Only Thing Better Than Listening to Other Music Is Listening to the Song You Wrote About Our Past Relationship

May 11, 2017 12:00 pm
OpEd: The Only Thing Better Than Listening to Other Music Is Listening to the Song You Wrote About Our Past Relationship

Let’s face it: There is one type of song that leaves the rest of music in the dust, and it’s the type you write about when we used to date. I saw on your Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr that you wrote a new one, so I listened to it. […]

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