OPINION: Earth Day Perpetuates a Cycle of Planetary Discrimination

May 12, 2011 9:00 am
OPINION: Earth Day Perpetuates a Cycle of Planetary Discrimination

Every April 22, thousands come together to “celebrate the beauty of the planet we call home.” But while our precious “environmentalists” promote their ever so special “Earth Day,” they are doing nothing more than legitimizing planetary discrimination and Earth superiority. According to a recent survey conducted by Reuters News Service, […]

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Opinion: Thanks A Bunch, But I Already Fucking Knew That I Look Tired

May 5, 2011 9:00 am
Opinion: Thanks A Bunch, But I Already Fucking Knew That I Look Tired

I know I’m tired. I was there when I stayed up until 4:30 am finishing two problem sets. I was also there when the loud-ass construction trucks started their incessant beeping at 7 am. I can clearly see the dark circles under my eyes every time I walk past a […]

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OPINION: Days of the Week Have Feelings Too

March 8, 2011 10:00 pm
OPINION:  Days of the Week Have Feelings Too

By Tuesday It has recently come to my attention that for the past couple of centuries people have been referring to me as “fat”. In all honesty, this is pretty offensive. Okay, maybe I did eat a bit too much lamb that one time back in 1148. But I’ve been […]

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Opinion: Selling Chocolate Vaginas is Wrong—It Objectifies Chocolate

February 13, 2011 1:39 pm
Opinion: Selling Chocolate Vaginas is Wrong—It Objectifies Chocolate

This week, I received several e-mails promoting “V-Week” events—film screenings, panel discussions, Oprah praising sessions, etc. But while vaginas are certainly to be celebrated (believe me—I love vaginas just as much as the next guy), I take issue with the V-Week Chocolate Vagina sale. In their rush to promote their […]

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How I Got Into Stanford

January 27, 2011 10:19 pm
How I Got Into Stanford

By A Mountain Lion Hello. I’m a mountain lion. You may have heard about me recently. You see, last week I was the first mountain lion in my family to make it into college. Not just any college—the college—my college—Stanford. I’m writing this because over the past several days, several […]

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Why Vampire Mothers Are Superior

January 26, 2011 9:15 am
Why Vampire Mothers Are Superior

A lot of people wonder how Vampire parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what it’s like inside the family and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them because I’ve done it. I’m using the term “Vampire mother” loosely. I know some werewolf, zombie and […]

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Op-Ed: There Will Be Many More Bowl Games, But Only One First Day of Winter Quarter 2011

January 7, 2011 4:32 pm
Op-Ed: There Will Be Many More Bowl Games, But Only One First Day of Winter Quarter 2011

They say everybody does things they regret. That statement has never rang truer than it does now, now as I’m flying on the plane home from Miami, wondering what might have been. Sure, going to the orange bowl was the sensible thing to do, but there are certain opportunities that […]

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Opinion: Why Do Women Get So Upset When Told They Have a Nice Rack?

October 10, 2010 2:37 pm
Opinion: Why Do Women Get So Upset When Told They Have a Nice Rack?

As one who regularly likes to pay women compliments on their racks, this makes no sense to me. Has ‘rack’ somehow become a derogatory term? Tell that to the elks who have racks of antlers on their heads. Tell that to the pool players who regularly rack ’em up. And […]

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Calculus Textbook “Dazzles” and “Inspires”

September 26, 2010 2:40 pm
Calculus Textbook “Dazzles” and “Inspires”

Colley’s masterpiece “Vector Calculus” is not your average math textbook. Colley has a way with words that makes reading about the dot product and the del operator a pure joy. She draws us in with a soothing third-person omniscient narrator, and the rest is just a whirling adventure through vectors […]

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The Police Blogger: Computer Security and Recording Devices

May 30, 2010 3:50 pm
The Police Blogger: Computer Security and Recording Devices

By Joe Phillips, Policeman I’m Joe, but you can call me the “Police Blogger.” No, that’s not what my friends call me, it’s just what I call myself. This is my first blog post, so excuse the typos and ramblings. Normally, in the paper you see the police blotter, where […]

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