Hey Republicans, how’s it going? Pretty busy with elections, I bet. Looks like y’all are going to get the House again. Say, there was one thing I was hoping to talk to you about. Is this a good time? OK cool. So I was wondering, would it be too much […]

Just look at me. What more could you want from a dance floor hookup? These sweat stains under my armpits, and actually all over my body, are just because I’m a really good dancer. That slight beer breath that you smelled earlier is because I’m drunk enough to have a […]

So it’s already week three and I have to ask: how do you not know my name by now?  And spare me the indignation–it’s pretty clear that you don’t.  That whole “Hey neighbor!” thing? Not fooling anyone. I see it in your eyes whenever I walk by–a flicker of confusion, […]

Remember, that one guy… Jared… was his name Jared… or Jon. No, Joey. It was Joey. Definitely Joey. He was in our freshman dorm. We all knew him. We were probably his closest friends, but we never hung out that much. Is he even on campus this quarter? Maybe he’s […]

I was super excited about AToPA so when the day came, I grabbed my bag, biked down University, and started tasting things. The bench tasted metallic, the costume store window was dusty, the homeless man was salty, and the policeman who arrested me tasted like floral shampoo. Now I feel […]

Compiling years of zoological research, PETA reports, and common sense, experts have officially concluded that life as a cow must be pretty terrible. “As a cow, you spend your entire day standing and eating grass in one of the most boring locations in America, and then you spend all night […]

If you asked me I would say I’m not the most knowledgeable person in the realm of politics. I don’t care much for the talking heads on stage; they’re all corrupt and trying to play to our emotions to rise to power if you ask me. However, there has been […]

By A SLAC Employee This is hard. I don’t want to make things awkward between us, but there’s something on my mind I think we need to discuss. Every day we come to work—we try to solve the mysteries of the universe, try to develop a better understanding of the […]

Dude, what the heck? It’s like, so much colder than it was last year. I know I say this every year, but this time it really seems like it’s a lot colder. Stanford usually is pretty balmy in the winter, at least, that’s the way I remember it. It’s pretty […]