Op-Ed: Fight Me

February 19, 2013 12:01 pm
Op-Ed: Fight Me

Hey, you. Yeah, you fuckface. That’s right, I just insulted you with the hopes of riling you up into attacking me. What are you gonna do about it? Hit me? Come on, you know you want to. No? Alright. Well…your mother is so fat that…um, her volume would be an […]

Read more ›

Op Ed: Similes don’t exist

January 25, 2013 9:00 am
Op Ed: Similes don’t exist

I’ve been quiet for too long. I’ve got to come out and say it- for my own good, for the good of my country, and for good of every English major at Stanford (so, like, for the six of us). Similes simply should NOT be. Yes, I know, this revelation […]

Read more ›

Op-Ed: I Can’t Believe We Are Going to Have Four More Years of Obama

January 23, 2013 9:00 am
Op-Ed: I Can’t Believe We Are Going to Have Four More Years of Obama

I’m not a strongly political person, but when I saw Barack Hussein Obama taking the oath of office for a second time Monday I couldn’t help but feel absolutely disgusted. The idea of four more years of Obama is absolutely abhorrent to me, and I believe it is dangerous for […]

Read more ›

Letter to the Editor of the Badger Herald: Wisconsin’s Conformist Marching Band

January 16, 2013 9:00 am
Letter to the Editor of the Badger Herald: Wisconsin’s Conformist Marching Band

(in response to the Op Ed by John E. in the Daily) My only objection to the entirety of the Tournament of Roses concerns the actions of the University of Wisconsin band. The marching band was completely “professional” and farcical. The band-members’ lack of emotion was despicable and their passionless […]

Read more ›

Ask a Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading

January 14, 2013 12:00 pm
Ask a Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading

Dear Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading, I hate it when my bike seat is wet in the morning. I tried putting a bag over it, but then the bag got wet. Do I need another bag to put over the first one? How deep does this […]

Read more ›

Opinion: White Plaza Sax Man Has Real Name

November 29, 2012 9:00 am
Opinion: White Plaza Sax Man Has Real Name

What’s in a name?  Letters, mostly.  But together, those letters make sounds, which in turn represent a person’s identity.  And, even through all the resistance, I strongly feel that we all have this thing that is called a name.  Yes, even the Sax Man. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not […]

Read more ›

Opinion: Hey Republicans, Maybe You Guys Could Stop Saying Offensive Things About Rape?

October 30, 2012 9:00 am
Opinion: Hey Republicans, Maybe You Guys Could Stop Saying Offensive Things About Rape?

Hey Republicans, how’s it going? Pretty busy with elections, I bet. Looks like y’all are going to get the House again. Say, there was one thing I was hoping to talk to you about. Is this a good time? OK cool. So I was wondering, would it be too much […]

Read more ›

Opinion: You Should Hook Up With Me

October 22, 2012 12:00 pm
Opinion: You Should Hook Up With Me

Just look at me. What more could you want from a dance floor hookup? These sweat stains under my armpits, and actually all over my body, are just because I’m a really good dancer. That slight beer breath that you smelled earlier is because I’m drunk enough to have a […]

Read more ›

Opinion: You’re So Tense

October 15, 2012 12:00 pm
Opinion: You’re So Tense
Read more ›

Opinion: You Really Should Know My Name By Now

October 8, 2012 12:00 pm
Opinion: You Really Should Know My Name By Now

So it’s already week three and I have to ask: how do you not know my name by now?  And spare me the indignation–it’s pretty clear that you don’t.  That whole “Hey neighbor!” thing? Not fooling anyone. I see it in your eyes whenever I walk by–a flicker of confusion, […]

Read more ›