Opinion: You’d Make a Great MILF

March 14, 2013 6:00 am
Opinion: You’d Make a Great MILF

Hi.  I think we need to straighten something out.  I’m really not into you right now.  I know that may come as a shock, and I know it’s a little disappointing, but something is missing here, and I think I know what it is: a kid.  I think you’d make […]

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Letter from a Concerned Sophomore

February 26, 2013 9:00 am
Letter from a Concerned Sophomore

This quarter’s going by kind of quickly, don’t you think so? I mean, a lot quicker than last quarter, it seems. Yeah, pretty soon the summer will be here– maybe it’s because we’re all really busy this quarter, or maybe it’s just that the first quarter always seems stretched by […]

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Op-Ed: You Know What, I’m Just Going to Go Ahead and Make a Sweeping Generalization

February 25, 2013 12:01 pm
Op-Ed: You Know What, I’m Just Going to Go Ahead and Make a Sweeping Generalization

I have something on my mind, and I need to see my opinion in print. While I acknowledge that this issue I’ll be discussing has enormous complexity that I can’t even begin to bridge given with my limited word count, someone has to come out and reduce the issue to […]

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You’re better off without him, study finds

12:00 pm
You’re better off without him, study finds

A study released yesterday by an independent group of university researchers indicated that you’re better off without him, and further suggested that he was never worth your time to begin with. In justifying its conclusions, the panel noted a strong correlation between his lack of maturity and certain inexcusable actions […]

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Op-Ed: Fight Me

February 19, 2013 12:01 pm
Op-Ed: Fight Me

Hey, you. Yeah, you fuckface. That’s right, I just insulted you with the hopes of riling you up into attacking me. What are you gonna do about it? Hit me? Come on, you know you want to. No? Alright. Well…your mother is so fat that…um, her volume would be an […]

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Op Ed: Similes don’t exist

January 25, 2013 9:00 am
Op Ed: Similes don’t exist

I’ve been quiet for too long. I’ve got to come out and say it- for my own good, for the good of my country, and for good of every English major at Stanford (so, like, for the six of us). Similes simply should NOT be. Yes, I know, this revelation […]

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Op-Ed: I Can’t Believe We Are Going to Have Four More Years of Obama

January 23, 2013 9:00 am
Op-Ed: I Can’t Believe We Are Going to Have Four More Years of Obama

I’m not a strongly political person, but when I saw Barack Hussein Obama taking the oath of office for a second time Monday I couldn’t help but feel absolutely disgusted. The idea of four more years of Obama is absolutely abhorrent to me, and I believe it is dangerous for […]

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Letter to the Editor of the Badger Herald: Wisconsin’s Conformist Marching Band

January 16, 2013 9:00 am
Letter to the Editor of the Badger Herald: Wisconsin’s Conformist Marching Band

(in response to the Op Ed by John E. in the Daily) My only objection to the entirety of the Tournament of Roses concerns the actions of the University of Wisconsin band. The marching band was completely “professional” and farcical. The band-members’ lack of emotion was despicable and their passionless […]

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Ask a Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading

January 14, 2013 12:00 pm
Ask a Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading

Dear Person in Discussion Who Clearly Didn’t Do the Reading, I hate it when my bike seat is wet in the morning. I tried putting a bag over it, but then the bag got wet. Do I need another bag to put over the first one? How deep does this […]

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Opinion: White Plaza Sax Man Has Real Name

November 29, 2012 9:00 am
Opinion: White Plaza Sax Man Has Real Name

What’s in a name?  Letters, mostly.  But together, those letters make sounds, which in turn represent a person’s identity.  And, even through all the resistance, I strongly feel that we all have this thing that is called a name.  Yes, even the Sax Man. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not […]

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