Report: Bird With Gun More Dangerous Than Bird Without

February 19, 2018 1:48 pm
Report: Bird With Gun More Dangerous Than Bird Without
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Dumb Idiot Hog-Morons Need Clever Satire Spoon-fed to Them

1:42 pm
Dumb Idiot Hog-Morons Need Clever Satire Spoon-fed to Them
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Escape Room: You Just Have To Jimmy The Door Handle A Little

February 12, 2018 11:02 am
Escape Room: You Just Have To Jimmy The Door Handle A Little
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Man Drinking Boba Tea Literally Sucks Balls

February 5, 2018 9:00 am
Man Drinking Boba Tea Literally Sucks Balls
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RA’s “Alcoholism” Actually Cover For La Croix Addiction

January 29, 2018 12:00 pm
RA’s “Alcoholism” Actually Cover For La Croix Addiction

STANFORD, CA – Claiming that he just couldn’t handle the secrecy anymore, Serra resident advisor Wes Weake has admitted that his infamous alcohol abuse is only a ruse he came up with to hide his addiction to La Croix. He came forward only after three freshman residents stumbled across him […]

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Op-ed: Does Anyone Want To Buy Me A Recorder?

9:00 am
Op-ed: Does Anyone Want To Buy Me A Recorder?

Hey there! Little Jimmy in the house. I know we haven’t formally met, but I’ve got a quick question for you: do you want to buy me a recorder? Doesn’t have to be fancy, just anything made out of a nice, durable plastic should do the trick. You can find […]

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Op Ed: Sure, The Glass is Half Full, But It’s Half Full of Horse Piss and My Cousin Robb is Making Me Touch It

9:00 am
Op Ed: Sure, The Glass is Half Full, But It’s Half Full of Horse Piss and My Cousin Robb is Making Me Touch It
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Vegan Pervert Spies on Salad Dressing

January 23, 2018 7:13 pm
Vegan Pervert Spies on Salad Dressing
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An Ode to My Five-Bladed Razor

January 16, 2018 12:00 pm
An Ode to My Five-Bladed Razor

To my beloved five-bladed razor, words cannot describe the longing I feel for you. I have left you behind me, back in the sweet Napa Valley in my haste to pack. You have kept me from looking like a complete hobo through good times and bad, through interviews and finals weeks, and for that […]

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Health Scare: This Grandma Got HIV After Sharing a Knitting Needle

January 15, 2018 12:00 pm
Health Scare: This Grandma Got HIV After Sharing a Knitting Needle
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