Stanford Researcher Discovers Missionary Position



September 27, 2009 3:26 pm
Stanford Researcher Discovers Missionary Position



By Chad Levin In another miracle of science, Stanford researcher Dr. Phillip Huang, PhD has discovered the missionary sex position. Huang and his team of several undergraduate researchers have been studying intercourse between Homo sapiens for over a decade, and they claim this breakthrough promises to change the world forever. […]

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Admissions Decision Revoked After Student Reveals She Doesn’t Own a Mac

3:20 pm
Admissions Decision Revoked After Student Reveals She Doesn’t Own a Mac

It is 11:14 AM in Annenberg Auditorium. Professor Hussein begins to speak about the virtues of truth and morality, and one by one, his pupils pull out their MacBooks, MacBookPros, and their iPods, all set on proving their non-conforming, yet attentive, note-taking prowess. That was when it happened—Freshman Julie Spitler […]

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Wellness Room Doing Well

3:14 pm
Wellness Room Doing Well
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Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

2:55 pm
Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

Over the past few days, every student on campus has gotten the swine flu. This recent epidemic, which originated from three promiscuous freshmen in Roble, has caused Stanford to reconsider the Full Moon on the Quad event. Students argued that the school wide make-out session is no longer dangerous to […]

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Harry Potter Fans Outraged at Rowling’s Inclusion of Events Not Seen in Film



September 20, 2009 8:35 pm
Harry Potter Fans Outraged at Rowling’s Inclusion of Events Not Seen in Film



This summer, Harry Potter fans across the world united in protest against J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter Franchise.  “The Harry Potter films are masterpieces, but Rowling just can’t let good art stand. She has to meddle, ruining the story by adding extra events and characters that make the plot […]

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Black Eyed Peas Sued for Falsely Advertising Quality of Thursday Night



8:33 pm
Black Eyed Peas Sued for Falsely Advertising Quality of Thursday Night



Lets just be honest about it, Thursday night September 10, 2009, was nothing to write home about. But that’s not what Black Eyed Peas singer Will.i.am, told a group of pre-gaming 19 year olds before they went out Thursday night. He said, “Tonight’s gonna be a good good night.” Well […]

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Student Has So Much To Do

June 1, 2009 8:02 pm
Student Has So Much To Do
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Students Turn Driving into a Drinking Game

7:59 pm
Students Turn Driving into a Drinking Game

STANFORD, CA—Stanford students have always been at the forefront of new developments in every field, and the recent breakthroughs in drinking games have been no exception. Three days ago, Electrical Engineering major Glenn Demitt ’10 and Physics PhD Huy Lin ’09 took drinking games to an entirely new level with […]

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Axe and Palm Goes National

7:57 pm
Axe and Palm Goes National

Steve Montell, Executive Director of Stanford Dining, announced on Monday that The Axe and Palm (TAP) would be embarking on a new business venture, and will be opening several franchise restaurants around the country. Montell said that the idea to sell the TAP franchise came from the overwhelming support of […]

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Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

7:56 pm
Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

Last week, very, very white Junior Matt Taloman requested medical forms to be admitted pre-assignment to the four class dorm Okada. Taloman suffers from an acute case of yellow fever, a disease transmitted through mosquito bite whose symptoms include: headache, bloody nose, condemnation of capitalism, nausea, predilection to Hello-Kitty dolls, […]

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