Disney Applauded for Casting First Openly Queer Character as Disgusting Roach Who Gets Stepped On During Opening Credits

April 18, 2020 11:02 am
Disney Applauded for Casting First Openly Queer Character as Disgusting Roach Who Gets Stepped On During Opening Credits

Last Thursday, Disney joined the ranks of uber-corporations who recognize the turning sociopolitical tide by announcing that their first openly queer character would appear in an upcoming animated film, Shitstain Fuckstick. This announcement described how although this character—a cockroach named “Deviant Danny”—would only appear in the first three seconds of […]

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In Response to Coronavirus, TSA Will Cut Down on Racially Profiling Middle Eastern Travelers to Focus on Racially Profiling Chinese Ones

10:58 am
In Response to Coronavirus, TSA Will Cut Down on Racially Profiling Middle Eastern Travelers to Focus on Racially Profiling Chinese Ones

According to internal communications obtained by the Flipside, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has asked all its agents to curtail their systemic racial profiling of Middle Eastern-looking travelers in order to prioritize doing the exact same thing but now for Chinese ones. The ongoing spread of the coronavirus prompted […]

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Flipside News in Brief: Candy, Racism, Candy

March 1, 2020 10:29 am
Flipside News in Brief: Candy, Racism, Candy

Gummy Bears Exist Solely to Fuck and Die, Study Finds A recent Harvard study found evidence suggesting that gummy bears’ sole purpose in life is to reproduce and then perish. “Anything they do in life—getting a degree, finding a job, any kind of meaning or joy they experience—it’s all ultimately […]

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Nasty nasty worms are crawling out of teens’ eyeballs, but is it safe? Inside TikTok’s viral new “Worm-Eye Challenge”

February 14, 2020 10:02 am
Nasty nasty worms are crawling out of teens’ eyeballs, but is it safe? Inside TikTok’s viral new “Worm-Eye Challenge”
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Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three

February 5, 2020 2:05 pm
Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three

You can never get any peace and quiet these days, can you? Once upon a time there was such a thing as knocking before entering a room or asking before sharing jockstraps, but nowadays everything is just free rein. The bathroom is the only safe haven left…or so I thought. […]

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Op-Ed: My Wii Fit Trainer Keeps Telling Me How the Poor Are Just Lazy and Entitled In-Between Poses, and It’s a Little Disturbing

November 12, 2019 11:54 pm
Op-Ed: My Wii Fit Trainer Keeps Telling Me How the Poor Are Just Lazy and Entitled In-Between Poses, and It’s a Little Disturbing

“Let’s try the Half-Moon Pose,” she says, her silky-smooth voice sliding down the nape of my neck like a bucket of leeches. “This stance can help align your spine.” I remind myself that I’m not attracted to a set of polygons and it’s back to business as usual. I’ve been […]

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The Secret Life of Pets 3: I Walked In On My Dog Running A Prostitution Ring in My Basement

October 29, 2019 4:29 pm
The Secret Life of Pets 3: I Walked In On My Dog Running A Prostitution Ring in My Basement

My dog Denver has been with me since I was a wee lad. We got him when he was just a lil’ puppy, a fluffy ol’ Siberian Husky with eyes that could make a lumberjack weep. And he grew up good – always by my side – only ever getting […]

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Review: My Son’s Circumcision is a Solid Two Stars

October 16, 2019 12:00 pm
Review: My Son’s Circumcision is a Solid Two Stars

Thank god for Yelp these days cause my son’s dick is looking ugly. And everyone needs to know how bad Rabbi Broccoli is at trimming flowers. There’s not much else to say. Just don’t trust any mohels who entice you to their services with the following joke: “I got clocks […]

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I Frantically Ran Up to An Allegory of a Decrepit, Limping, Blind, Albino Man to Demand Answers Pertaining to Universal Truth

May 18, 2019 4:44 pm
I Frantically Ran Up to An Allegory of a Decrepit, Limping, Blind, Albino Man to Demand Answers Pertaining to Universal Truth

There I was, late last night, lost and dripping with confusion over the fields of disillusionment. I was miserable, dear reader, because in the wandering of the great desert-snows that is this existence, I had yet to find confirmation of any great Truth, for the seeking of that one final […]

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Budweiser Introduces New “Just the Foam” Beer

12:43 pm
Budweiser Introduces New “Just the Foam” Beer

After years of traditional brew, Budweiser has announced that it will be switching up the game this darty season with a brand new product release: Budweiser “Just the Foam” beer-free beer. Starting next week, “Just the Foam” will be available in cans, 40s, and limited-edition glass steins shaped like aerated […]

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