Heartwarming: When her school couldn’t afford to buy this teacher a gun, she paid for one out-of-pocket

April 23, 2018 11:30 pm
Heartwarming: When her school couldn’t afford to buy this teacher a gun, she paid for one out-of-pocket

Jackie Robinson Middle School in Queens, New York has been hit by multiple budget cuts over the last few years, so it’s no surprise that the school isn’t always able to afford basic classroom supplies. But while for some teachers that means just scraping by on what’s already available, English […]

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Op Ed: I’m on an All-Caterpillar Diet and You Should Join Me!

April 16, 2018 12:00 pm
Op Ed: I’m on an All-Caterpillar Diet and You Should Join Me!

  Look, everybody has their favorite snack. For my roommate, it’s Hot CheetosTM, for my little brother, it’s FunyunsTM, but for me, it’s those dang dangling crittersTM that cover campus during this fateful quarter. Every time I bike past one, all I have to do is open up my yapper […]

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I had a Great Spring Break on THE HUNT, Thank You For Asking

April 9, 2018 12:00 pm
I had a Great Spring Break on THE HUNT, Thank You For Asking
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Giving Back: Chance the Rapper Started Teaching Trigonometry for Chicago Public Schools

March 12, 2018 12:00 pm
Giving Back: Chance the Rapper Started Teaching Trigonometry for Chicago Public Schools

Now here’s a story sure to warm your heart. Plenty of people know Chance the Rapper for his three critically-acclaimed albums and frequent collaborations with industry mainstays like Kanye West and Childish Gambino. But Chance has really stepped things up with his latest foray into the public eye: he’s leaving […]

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BOSP Announces New SIW (Stanford In Wisconsin) Program

11:59 am
BOSP Announces New SIW (Stanford In Wisconsin) Program

“Like, all of my friends are applying to the program in the fall, so I really want to go with them,” says Terry Jenner of Rho Alpha Delta sorority. “I’m just like, really passionate about cheese.”   The new addition to Stanford’s Bing Overseas Study Program (BOSP) includes tours of […]

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Racist Barbie Calls Ken a “Commie WOP Bastard”

March 6, 2018 9:44 am
Racist Barbie Calls Ken a “Commie WOP Bastard”
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Mother Gains Super Strength from Child in Peril, Wins Carnival Game

February 26, 2018 12:00 pm
Mother Gains Super Strength from Child in Peril, Wins Carnival Game

When the brakeline on Kathy Ramone’s car snapped, pinning her precious child beneath the 4,000-pound vehicle, things looked pretty dire. But luckily for mother and son alike, a surge of maternal hormones gave Ramone a tremendous burst of strength, allowing her to finally get the high score on the local […]

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Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

February 20, 2018 12:00 pm
Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

Watch out, exciting news ahead! That’s right, industry giant American Girl Doll just announced their 2018 line of new dolls, and wow, are there some fun ones. They’re some modern dolls for a modern world, so read below to become properly acquainted with America’s favorite dolls! 1. Kelly: In her […]

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Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

February 19, 2018 2:00 pm
Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

Residents of freshman dorm Cedro were reportedly taken aback earlier this week when, in the midst of a nostalgia-driven midnight conversation, self-declared “90s kid” Gregor Alandra was unable to identify a single cultural touchstone from that decade other than Furbies. “Ah yes, the nineteen-nineties, a decade most glorious indeed,” explained […]

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Insecure and Looking for Love? Try Humble

February 13, 2018 12:00 pm
Insecure and Looking for Love? Try Humble

The dating app Humble, coming from the makers of the well-known dating app Bumble, is the new online dating craze. For those who lack the confidence to ask someone out in person, turn to online dating. If that still does not fulfill your self-effacing needs, turn to Humble. Humble serves […]

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