Romantic Duck Opens Wine Bottle With Corkscrew Penis

December 4, 2017 12:00 pm
Romantic Duck Opens Wine Bottle With Corkscrew Penis
Read more ›

Newborn Fruitfly Has Midlife Crisis

November 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Newborn Fruitfly Has Midlife Crisis
Read more ›

Area Chicken Lays One-Hell-Of-A Motherfuckin’ Egg

October 5, 2017 5:00 pm
Area Chicken Lays One-Hell-Of-A Motherfuckin’ Egg

Gilroy, CA —  Farmer Fred Porter, owner of Porter farms, awoke Sunday morning to find that his prized chicken, Chad, had laid what appeared to be a dope as fuck egg. The find came as a major relief to Mr. Porter and his family, who have struggled in recent months with […]

Read more ›

This Woman FELL Off a CLIFF and Now She’s DEAD

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Accident-prone female executive falling over against a white background
Read more ›

Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

May 1, 2017 12:01 pm
Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

Looks like the fashionistas are gonna have a field day with this one, folks. Millennials worldwide have started wearing surgical masks so they don’t breathe in the poisoned air of a slowly-dying planet, and damn do they pull it off! Sure, fashion is subjective, but come on — just take […]

Read more ›

Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

April 24, 2017 12:00 pm
Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

If we were to rank every single dolphin from best to worst, this would be the very bottom. Look at it. Where the fuck is it even, a swamp? It can’t even manage to get into a tributary or inland sea? No, it can’t. Because it’s a dumb wrinkly piece […]

Read more ›

FDA Insists Massive Snake Oil Spill Won’t Do Anything

April 10, 2017 12:00 pm
FDA Insists Massive Snake Oil Spill Won’t Do Anything
Read more ›

Environmentally Conscientious Student Feels Completely Comfortable Wasting Water Now That Drought Is Finally Over

February 8, 2017 9:00 am
Environmentally Conscientious Student Feels Completely Comfortable Wasting Water Now That Drought Is Finally Over

Reporting that exacerbating the possibility of a relapse into a widespread agricultural and public health crisis incurs absolutely no personal guilt, Stanford student Jack Rogers (Earth Sys ‘18) told multiple sources that he feels completely comfortable wasting water now that Northern California’s recent severe water shortage has been over for […]

Read more ›

Endangered Rainforest Canopy Bird “Unfortunately Delicious”

January 10, 2017 12:00 pm
Endangered Rainforest Canopy Bird “Unfortunately Delicious”
Read more ›

“The horror, the horror!” – Students Recount Catastrophic Drizzle

October 17, 2016 12:00 pm
A man dressed in a shirt and tie with his hands on his head look to the sky in frustration in the pouring rain 

Black Background,Outdoors,Caucasian,Isolated,Business,Businessman,Men,Male,People,Working,Office,Office Place,Adult,Concepts,Rain,Protection,Uncertainty,weather,daytime,day,daylight,shine, pouring,life,hopeless, upset, wet, forces of nature, shirt, tie, defeated, soaked, soaking wet, rain drops, washed up, washed out, drenched, despondant, storm, defeated, frustration

The room is undecorated, apart from a poster on the wall advertising an upcoming a capella concert. A circle of collapsible chairs sit under a single ceiling light – they are filled by students struggling to make sense of the events that took place. Faces are stained equally with rain […]

Read more ›