Freshman at Career Fair Worried He Doesn’t Have Enough Room on Resume

October 8, 2012 12:01 pm
Freshman at Career Fair Worried He Doesn’t Have Enough Room on Resume

Among the students who flocked to Stanford’s fall career fair on Monday was freshman and Otero resident Mark Blumberg, who was overheard complaining to dormmate Stacy Gwyn that one page just wasn’t enough space to fit his accolades and extracurriculars, let alone his skills and experience acquired ‘outside the classroom.’ […]

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Nobel Prize in Economics Awarded for “Master Hand” Theory

April 30, 2012 6:00 am
Nobel Prize in Economics Awarded for “Master Hand” Theory

Stanford economics professor Gerald Walker was recently awarded the Nobel Prize in economics after pioneering the new “master hand” theory of markets to explain recent trends in global finance. “The antiquated ‘invisible hand’ metaphor is no longer an accurate model of the economic realities of our day,” explained Walker in […]

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Ninja Rockstar Dismayed by Rejection from Startups

March 14, 2012 6:00 am
Ninja Rockstar Dismayed by Rejection from Startups

Axl Lee, a Stanford senior and certified “ninja rockstar,” truly believed that his resume was top-notch. He had trained for twelve years under Japan’s Premier Ninja Master, Shogun Kazuato, and had formed a small business manufacturing ninja stars for teenage American tourists. Following his illustrious ninja career, Lee took up […]

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Hormel Introduces New Meat-Based Vegetable Substitute

February 27, 2012 6:00 am
Hormel Introduces New Meat-Based Vegetable Substitute

Hormel, the corporation behind Spam and other processed meat delicacies, has announced plans to move forward with a new line of meat-based textured vegetable food products. The new products are targeted at a growing segment of consumers who like the idea of eating vegetables but can’t or won’t find a […]

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Apple Loses Corporate Headquarters in a Bar

September 1, 2011 1:45 pm
Apple Loses Corporate Headquarters in a Bar
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Drug Mule Fired Over Resume Padding Allegations

January 30, 2011 2:39 pm
Drug Mule Fired Over Resume Padding Allegations

Long time Black Eagle employee Abu Nayeem was let go yesterday amidst accusations that many critical aspects of his resume were falsified. His departure has sent surprised cartel managers searching for a replacement who can competently swallow condoms full of heroin and then extract them from his feces once past […]

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Wave of Taco Bell Employees Apply to Stanford Knight Management School

January 20, 2011 9:00 am
Wave of Taco Bell Employees Apply to Stanford Knight Management School

In anticipation of the opening of the Knight School of Management this spring, a wave of Taco Bell employees arrived on campus this week. These workers said that they were looking for a step up in managing the graveyard shift. The Flipside caught up with Juan Zelchez at the construction […]

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Director David Fincher Sued By Best Friend Over Who Directed “The Social Network”

January 17, 2011 3:56 pm
Director David Fincher Sued By Best Friend Over Who Directed “The Social Network”
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L’Oreal Unveils “Eco-Poo,” New Line of Fair-Trade, Gluten-Free, Feng-Shui Shampoo

January 14, 2011 9:00 am
L’Oreal Unveils “Eco-Poo,” New Line of Fair-Trade, Gluten-Free, Feng-Shui Shampoo

With environmental consciousness on the rise throughout the United States, product engineers at L’Oreal have resorted to extreme measures to tailor their shampoo to the eco-friendly. According to spokeswoman Sandra Mills, “no animals were harmed in the making of this shampoo. No rocks, boulders, or large trees were harmed in […]

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McDonald’s Introduces New Suite of Custom Meals

November 16, 2010 9:00 am
McDonald’s Introduces New Suite of Custom Meals

Hoping to build on the success of their “Happy Meal” product line, McDonald’s has introduced a new set of meals to appeal to a broader age range. The main new meal from McDonald’s is the ‘Midlife Crisis’ meal, given to those in their thirties or forties, which contains a toy […]

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