Supreme Court Helps Students Study For Finals; Holds Judicial Review Sessions

June 1, 2009 7:56 pm
Supreme Court Helps Students Study For Finals; Holds Judicial Review Sessions

With finals just around the corner, many students have started worrying about how they are going to prepare for this quarter’s exams. Luckily, Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court announced last week that the court will hold extra judicial review sessions to help students study for finals. Despite […]

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Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

7:56 pm
Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

Last week, very, very white Junior Matt Taloman requested medical forms to be admitted pre-assignment to the four class dorm Okada. Taloman suffers from an acute case of yellow fever, a disease transmitted through mosquito bite whose symptoms include: headache, bloody nose, condemnation of capitalism, nausea, predilection to Hello-Kitty dolls, […]

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University Unveils Useless Construction Project

7:54 pm
University Unveils Useless Construction Project

In the face of across the board cuts throughout the university, Stanford today demonstrated its commitment to useless construction projects. The university today released a new plan to repaint all 4,375 lamp posts across campus. The lamp post project is part of the larger ambitious campus-wide plan to that includes […]

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Campus Watches Passively As Haus Mitteleuropa Residents Begin Occupation of La Maison Francaise

May 24, 2009 11:27 pm
Campus Watches Passively As Haus Mitteleuropa Residents Begin Occupation of La Maison Francaise

THE ROW—Last Friday, as housing results were released across campus, students drawing into La Maison Francaise, the French house, received a nasty surprise when they found out that German speaking students would soon be occupying their rooms and lounges. In an effort to expand its presence on campus, and to […]

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Opinion: “Why Were We Even Paying These Little Orange and Red People in the First Place?”

11:15 pm
Opinion: “Why Were We Even Paying These Little Orange and Red People in the First Place?”

By Kenneth Potts Now I’m a guy who likes to take the issues seriously. Right now, budget cuts are a major issue. It’s affecting everyone–and that includes yours truly. But if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s fiscal responsibility. My question is: Why were our investigative journalists standing by […]

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Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

11:13 pm
Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

The public often raises uncomfortable questions about the past of important political figures. Owing to an acute sense of integrity, a number of leaders have no choice but to be candid about the minor transgressions of their youth. In fact, a small number of leaders have even admitted to trying […]

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200 People Die in Building Collapse, But More Importantly, One of Them was the Cousin of a Professional Athlete

11:12 pm
200 People Die in Building Collapse, But More Importantly, One of Them was the Cousin of a Professional Athlete

Chicago (AP) – An apartment building collapsed last Tuesday killing all two hundred people inside. Of those who were killed, one was the second-cousin-twice-removed of the third-string quarterback of the Miami Dolphins. Marty Hastings was 65, lived alone, and was known by neighbors as the old man who liked to […]

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Partygoers Heed PHE Advice, Leads to Worst Exotic Erotic Ever

May 18, 2009 2:37 pm
Partygoers Heed PHE Advice, Leads to Worst Exotic Erotic Ever

Many Sober, Fully Clothed Students Trek to 680 After many harshly worded flyers from the Peer Health Educators (PHE), the Stanford student body has listened. On Friday, May 15th, hundreds of boys and seven girls headed over to 680 Lomita for the annual and renowned Stanford tradition. However, because everyone […]

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A Mother Laments Stanford’s “Gender-Biased” Dorm Housing

2:36 pm
A Mother Laments Stanford’s “Gender-Biased” Dorm Housing

By Alicia Huffman, mother of Denise Huffman ‘11 If sharing a room with a member of the same sex is not your idea of acceptable college housing, beware. Oblivious parents like me haven’t realized that Stanford has been forcing our children to live in these horrific “gender-biased” rooms. Our daughter […]

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EXPOSED: Relay For Life Is A Pro-Life Event—We Support the Relay For Choice

2:35 pm
EXPOSED: Relay For Life Is A Pro-Life Event—We Support the Relay For Choice

Every year, students across the country work to organize the “Relay For Life,” an event which, according to the American Cancer Society, “raises money for the fight against cancer.” But while the Relay For Life may seem like a genuine and legitimate attempt to end disease, further examination reveals that […]

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