Balloon Boy Family Too Dumb to Reenact ‘UP’

October 26, 2009 12:35 am
Balloon Boy Family Too Dumb to Reenact ‘UP’

FORT COLLINS, CO–After failing to attract the eyes of the nation with Wife Swap, the Heene family turned to Disney for inspiration. They decided to put their son in a balloon to reenact UP, the story of a 6 year old boy and a crotchety old man who go away […]

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“Capitalism: A Love Story” a Blockbuster Success, Michael Moore Decides Capitalism Okay After All

12:32 am
“Capitalism: A Love Story” a Blockbuster Success, Michael Moore Decides Capitalism Okay After All

After three weeks in the box office, Michael Moore’s new film, “Capitalism: A Love Story” has netted nearly 26 million dollars in ticket sales. The film, Moore’s first in several years, criticizes greed and disproportionate wealth in American society. But for Michael Moore, experiencing the multimillion-dollar profits from his film […]

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US Doesn’t Pull Out of Iraq; Iraq Now Pregnant

October 24, 2009 7:02 pm
US Doesn’t Pull Out of Iraq; Iraq Now Pregnant

Pregnancy tests on Iraq returned positive today, confirming suspicions held by many Americans and political pundits that the United States did not pull out in time. Despite Obama’s campaign promises to pull out of Iraq, the President never acted. It seems that his victory in the election last Fall excited […]

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Student Brings 14 Pencils To Math Midterm Just In Case

October 19, 2009 3:49 pm
Student Brings 14 Pencils To Math Midterm Just In Case

Freshman overachiever Jessica Pan brought 14 pencils (4 Regular, 3 Mechanical, and 7 Colored) to her Math 51 Exam last Tuesday. “I wanted to be prepared for everything,” she said. “I just knew that I’d never forgive myself for not bringing the 14th if my first 13 broke or ran […]

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Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due

3:47 pm
Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due



STANFORD, CA—Taking a cue from the Nobel Prize Committee, the Stanford Writing Center has modified the guidelines used to determine the winners of the Boothe Prize. Last week, the writing center announced both the modified guidelines and the winner of the 2009 Autumn award. “I couldn’t believe it—I hadn’t even […]

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Opinion: Excuse Me, Ma’am, But I Think Your Breasts Are Fake

3:44 pm
Opinion: Excuse Me, Ma’am, But I Think Your Breasts Are Fake

I’ve seen a lot of breasts in my day, and that set looks nothing like anything I’ve seen before. For starters, they both seem to point the same way. Believe me, the left breast should point left and the right breast should point to the right—that’s how nature intended it. […]

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U.S. Lays Off Congress To Cut Costs

October 12, 2009 12:38 am
U.S. Lays Off Congress To Cut Costs

WASHINGTON, D.C.—U.S.A., Inc. President and CEO Barack Obama announced yesterday that, due to budget constraints, all 535 members of Congress and their staff would be laid off by the end of the session. This management shakeup comes just after U.S.A.’s acquisition of the auto and banking industries, and amidst the […]

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Stanford Card Plan Cut After Credit Line Used on Beer


12:36 am
Stanford Card Plan Cut After Credit Line Used on Beer


STANFORD—Stanford University terminated its new card plan today after students spent approximately $35,000 on alcohol purchases. The card plan provided students with a $1000 line of credit. Stanford upperclassmen recognized this loophole shortly after arriving on campus several weeks ago. One senior, who wishes to remain anonymous until his job […]

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Chamillionaire To Introduce New Number – “One Chamillion”

12:35 am
Chamillionaire To Introduce New Number – “One Chamillion”

Popular rapper and role model Chamillionaire confirmed rumors on Friday when he verified that he would indeed be introducing a new big number to the International System of Numbers: one chamillion. Although it is unclear what the actual value of one chamillion will be, Chamillionaire assured fans and eager onlookers […]

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Cal Fans Say Tree Attack Was Driven By Love



12:32 am
Cal Fans Say Tree Attack Was Driven By Love



As many Stanford students have heard by now, on September 30th three Cal fans attacked the Stanford Tree, presumably as part of a long-standing rivalry with Stanford.  In an exclusive interview with the Flipside this Monday, the assailants, John Battinger, Thomas Graham, and Alex Nguyen pointed to a different motive. […]

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