Groundhog Sees Its Shadow, Forecasts 6 More Weeks of 75 and Sunny

Wikipedia Suffered Huge Hangover After Blacking Out

After blacking out for an entire day on January 18th, Wikipedia reportedly…

Despite Retirement, Yao Ming Leads NBA in All Star Votes

After the first round returns on NBA All Star ballots, Yao Ming…

Huntsman Drops Out of GOP Race in Hopes of Having an Affair

Despite Lack of Snow, Students Still Planning to Drink Heavily on Ski Trip

On the verge of the annual dorm ski trips, many Stanford students…

Sleep and Dreams Offered for the Last Time for the Third Time

Fiesta Bowl Not PC–Stanford Not Allowed to Play in it

In a controversial announcement, student activities administrator, Amanda Rodriquez announced that the…

New SUAlert Writer Not As Funny As Last Year’s Writer

People were lining up down the block to read the new SUAlert…

Wikipedia Finally Uses Attractive Person to Raise Money

WNBA Players and Owners Argue Over How to Split This Year’s Losses