Ask a College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays

Dear College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays, With the holidays quickly…

In Response to “Buck Ferkeley,” Cal Launches “Seat Btanford” Merchandise

After witnessing the sales success of Stanford’s “Buck Ferkeley” merchandise, many of…

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to Join Vin Diesel, Paul Walker for Next Installment of The Fast and 5Sure-ious Franchise

Hollywood director Justin Lin recently confirmed rumors that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,…

Freshman Declares Bankruptcy After Only Drinking Jamba Juice for Seven Weeks

Joshua Melman recently applied for a government-backed loan after paying 10 dollars…

ASSU Member to Vote on BJ Bill, Intends to Bypass Roommate Contract

STANFORD, CA–Last week, the ASSU voted on a bill that overruled changes…

REPORT: 85% of Nation’s Uncles Regularly Bitch About Government Shutdown for No Reason

Tulsa, Oklahoma–What was meant to be a nice, family dinner at the…