Articles by: Barney Schmutz

Students Create New Dating Awareness Group

February 29, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Students Create New Dating Awareness Group
Students Create New Dating Awareness Group

Citing efforts to increase dating on campus, two freshmen girls are delving into uncharted territory. Samantha Smith and Kelly Clark have started Stanford Students for Access to Dating (SSAD) to raise awareness about the lack of dating and increase the number of dates and relationships on campus. “We hope to […]

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1035 Residents Lose House

February 6, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on 1035 Residents Lose House
1035 Residents Lose House

After a whirlwind turn of events, the residents of 1035 Campus Drive have been informed by campus administrators that they will not be allowed to return to 1035 for the next academic year. Megan Wertzelbok, Resident Dean, justified the controversial decision, “Residents of 1035 are expected to conduct themselves with […]

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King Jong-un starts e-Harmony profile, seeking “passionate, well rounded soul mate”

6:00 amComments Off on King Jong-un starts e-Harmony profile, seeking “passionate, well rounded soul mate”
King Jong-un starts e-Harmony profile, seeking “passionate, well rounded soul mate”

Since being declared supreme leader of North Korea after his father’s death, Kim Jong-un has become the number one bachelor in all of North Korea. This week, Kim Jong-un personally made a public profile on the dating website e-Harmony. His dating profile offers a unique glimpse into the world of […]

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Dining Hall Puts Morgan Freeman on MLK Day Posters

January 24, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Dining Hall Puts Morgan Freeman on MLK Day Posters
Dining Hall Puts Morgan Freeman on MLK Day Posters

Stanford, CA — In an embarrassing incident Monday, staff members at the Arillaga family dining hall accidentally displayed a poster depicting famous actor Morgan Freeman, mistakenly claiming he was Martin Luther King Jr. Trying to cover for their most recent mistake, Arillaga issued a statement saying that the dining hall […]

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“Bros for Boobs”: Kappa Sigma Brothers to Offer Free Screenings

October 17, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on “Bros for Boobs”: Kappa Sigma Brothers to Offer Free Screenings
“Bros for Boobs”: Kappa Sigma Brothers to Offer Free Screenings

In an effort to promote their public image and regain their house, the fraternity Kappa Sigma is offering free breast cancer screenings in White Plaza to all females of Stanford. “We really want to promote breast cancer awareness among the female population at Stanford,” said the president of Kappa Sig. […]

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Student Tattoos Resume on Chest

October 13, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Student Tattoos Resume on Chest
Student Tattoos Resume on Chest

Last Thursday, Stanford’s largest career fair attracted hundreds of students to White Plaza to speak with over 300 employers about internships and industry. One student, Galen Solinsky, found that informally speaking with employers and simply handing out a paper resume was insufficient. Instead, he tattooed his resume onto his chest […]

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A Letter From Flipside Editor Barney Schmutz: I’ll Tell You What We’ll Do If We Find Your Name on that List

May 28, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on A Letter From Flipside Editor Barney Schmutz: I’ll Tell You What We’ll Do If We Find Your Name on that List
A Letter From Flipside Editor Barney Schmutz: I’ll Tell You What We’ll Do If We Find Your Name on that List

News has been flitting around the campus lately that the ASSU will be releasing the names of students who request a refund from Special Fees groups. Here at the Flipside, we are very excited to get the names of people on this list, and I’ll tell you right here what […]

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Cockblocks: Then and Now

May 9, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Cockblocks: Then and Now
Cockblocks: Then and Now

People have been hooking up all through history, and hookups have been going awry for just as long. This handy chart compares for two different time periods the unfortunate cockblock scenarios in which you, a strapping young man, might find yourself. Modern Day Middle Ages Midway through undressing, the girl […]

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Opinion: Thanks A Bunch, But I Already Fucking Knew That I Look Tired

May 5, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Opinion: Thanks A Bunch, But I Already Fucking Knew That I Look Tired
Opinion: Thanks A Bunch, But I Already Fucking Knew That I Look Tired

I know I’m tired. I was there when I stayed up until 4:30 am finishing two problem sets. I was also there when the loud-ass construction trucks started their incessant beeping at 7 am. I can clearly see the dark circles under my eyes every time I walk past a […]

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Average American Eats Five Hamsters While Sleeping

April 28, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Average American Eats Five Hamsters While Sleeping
Average American Eats Five Hamsters While Sleeping

Surgeon General Regina M. Bengamin announced today that the average American eats 5 hamsters over the course of his or her lifetime. “About 64% percent of Americans sleep with their mouths open, which leaves a very large hole for hamsters to fall into. Most of us just swallow these small […]

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