Articles by: Bill Driscoll

Climatologists Concede that New York Would Look Pretty Sweet Underwater

November 26, 2012 12:02 pmComments Off on Climatologists Concede that New York Would Look Pretty Sweet Underwater
Climatologists Concede that New York Would Look Pretty Sweet Underwater

A recently released study by a panel of IPCC climatologists reports that, in the likely event of catastrophic rises in sea level on a global scale that we are now powerless to stop, the city of New York will look awesome under all that water. “Picture it, if you will,” […]

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Ohioans Return to Meaningless, Insignificant Ohio Lives

November 12, 2012 12:01 pmComments Off on Ohioans Return to Meaningless, Insignificant Ohio Lives
Ohioans Return to Meaningless, Insignificant Ohio Lives
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Rich San Fransiscans who Don’t Follow Up Baseball Excitedly Snap up World Series Tickets

October 29, 2012 12:00 pmComments Off on Rich San Fransiscans who Don’t Follow Up Baseball Excitedly Snap up World Series Tickets
Rich San Fransiscans who Don’t Follow Up Baseball Excitedly Snap up World Series Tickets
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Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

October 2, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters
Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

“Yow! Watch me!” Mitt Romney began his speech to William and Mary Students in the pivotal swing state of Virginia. “Man, don’t it feel mess to be back up on the main kick, I tell ya.  This joint is jumpin!” With only a month to go until election day and […]

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Dear Unhelpful Pre-Major Advisor

October 1, 2012 10:23 pmComments Off on Dear Unhelpful Pre-Major Advisor
Dear Unhelpful Pre-Major Advisor

Dear Unhelpful Pre-Major Advisor, I am currently a pre-med, but I think I’m also interested in CS. With all the pre-med requirements, I won’t have time to anything other than Chem and Bio. What should I do? Confused in Cedro Dear Confused, Just think about what you want to do. […]

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Freshman Confident His Room Will Be “The Party Room”

September 24, 2012 12:02 pmComments Off on Freshman Confident His Room Will Be “The Party Room”
Freshman Confident His Room Will Be “The Party Room”

Although the school year has yet to fully begin, Otero freshman Matthew Renzi has already expressed confidence that the 2nd floor double he shares with roommate Dustin McFee will be the undisputed party room of the dorm. “You know, just kind of like a chill place that has a fun […]

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Cool ProFro Scores Alcohol for Upperclassmen

April 30, 2012 6:01 amComments Off on Cool ProFro Scores Alcohol for Upperclassmen
Cool ProFro Scores Alcohol for Upperclassmen

With Admit Weekend in the rearview mirror, rumors have begun to surface of a lone cool ProFro who managed to obtain alcohol for his hosts despite a campus-wide ban in effect throughout the weekend. The badass ProFro, whose name has not been disclosed, has elicited praise and awe from the […]

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Kony Filmmaker Kills Thousands of (Potential) Children

April 3, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Kony Filmmaker Kills Thousands of (Potential) Children
Kony Filmmaker Kills Thousands of (Potential) Children
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Tech Review: The New iPad is Perfect for Taking Pictures of my Junk

6:00 amComments Off on Tech Review: The New iPad is Perfect for Taking Pictures of my Junk
Tech Review: The New iPad is Perfect for Taking Pictures of my Junk

Hi all, tech guru Ken Waterman here, and I’m here to talk to you about Apple’s latest offering in their wildly popular iPad line, simply called “The New iPad.” While the new iPad is not without its flaws, some of which we’ll delve into later in the review, I can […]

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Opinion: It’s Colder This Year Than Last Year

December 9, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Opinion: It’s Colder This Year Than Last Year
Opinion: It’s Colder This Year Than Last Year

Dude, what the heck? It’s like, so much colder than it was last year. I know I say this every year, but this time it really seems like it’s a lot colder. Stanford usually is pretty balmy in the winter, at least, that’s the way I remember it. It’s pretty […]

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