Articles by: Brian Contreras

Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

January 13, 2017 9:00 amComments Off on Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake
Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

When I got a pet snake for Christmas, I thought it would be nice to bring it back to school and let it live in my dorm with me. I imagined it slithering from room to room, bringing a little serpentine cheer to all whom it encountered. Call me a […]

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Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

December 5, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool
Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool A yearly tradition ended in tragedy late Saturday night when freshman Jay Garbsby was found floating facedown in the Avery Aquatic Center by campus police. “Well, we’d been at Frosh Formal for a while” Nick Maguire, Garbsby’s roommate, […]

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Student Not Trying Any New Things In College Somehow Maintaining 4.0 GPA

November 9, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Not Trying Any New Things In College Somehow Maintaining 4.0 GPA
Happy male student with thumbs up outdoors

College is a time for exploration, experimentation, and pushing one’s limits in the name of self-discovery. A surprising new investigative report reveals, however, that sophomore Karl Davidson has not only not tried any new things, but has in fact somehow maintained a perfect 4.0 GPA while doing so! “Stanford has […]

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