Articles by: Arthur Iula

Senior Who Thinks Mason Jars Are Cups Unprepared For Real World

April 11, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Senior Who Thinks Mason Jars Are Cups Unprepared For Real World
Senior Who Thinks Mason Jars Are Cups Unprepared For Real World
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Nation Demands More Bad News

March 28, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Nation Demands More Bad News
Nation Demands More Bad News

WASHINGTON D.C.—Individuals and advocacy groups from across the United States have organized into a single campaign demanding more bad news coverage in the media. “The world just isn’t depressing enough,” said organizer Sally Donahue when interviewed, “Every day we keep seeing good thing after good thing in the newspapers, on […]

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The 5 Most Impressive Stanford Students, Ranked By How Sad They Are Right Before They Go To Sleep

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The 5 Most Impressive Stanford Students, Ranked By How Sad They Are Right Before They Go To Sleep

Cameron Yi Cameron may have invented a portable defibrillator for remote hospitals in the third world, but he still feels an unexplainable weight in his chest in the last few minutes before he closes his eyes. It could be from the time his babysitter locked him in the bathroom as […]

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7 Famous Quotes That Were Interrupted By The Smell Of Something Burning

February 29, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on 7 Famous Quotes That Were Interrupted By The Smell Of Something Burning
7 Famous Quotes That Were Interrupted By The Smell Of Something Burning

  You know these famous quotes! What you probably didn’t know is that all of these influential phrases were interrupted mid-sentence by the smell of something burning in another room! Let’s take a look!   Albert Einstein “Imagination is more important than…than…Elsa! Elsa! Did you leave something in the oven? […]

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Area Boy Becomes Area Man

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Area Boy Becomes Area Man
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Fast-talking Showman Harry Elam Escapes From Small Nevada Town Jail

February 22, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Fast-talking Showman Harry Elam Escapes From Small Nevada Town Jail
Fast-talking Showman Harry Elam Escapes From Small Nevada Town Jail

Blueflower, NV—Hard times had fallen on beloved purveyor of delightful contraptions Harry Elam, who up until recently had been kept in a small wooden jailhouse near the center of town. The charges leveled against Mr. Elam included unjust chicanery and trickery as well as lascivious revelry with the intent of […]

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Smart Man Votes For Correct Candidate in Primary

February 8, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Smart Man Votes For Correct Candidate in Primary
(c) Wellcome Library; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation
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Hennessy Explains Final Stages Of Evil Master Plan In Exclusive Tell-All

February 1, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Hennessy Explains Final Stages Of Evil Master Plan In Exclusive Tell-All
Hennessy Explains Final Stages Of Evil Master Plan In Exclusive Tell-All

Stanford University President John Hennessy, his face in shadow beneath a dark hood, gave an exclusive interview this week detailing his long-held evil plans of global domination.  “Fifty years of presidency at Stanford, funneling money, technology and resources, my board positions at Google and Cisco.  All has come to this,” […]

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Motionless Homeless Man Probably Fine

January 25, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Motionless Homeless Man Probably Fine
Motionless Homeless Man Probably Fine

PALO ALTO, CA—Reports are flooding in that the homeless man in a bundle of quilts and sleeping bag lying outside the Shop & Go is probably fine, despite his not having moved for the better part of an hour. “Yeah, that guy seems like, super still,” commented a woman waiting […]

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Study finds voice higher at the end of this sentence?

12:00 pmComments Off on Study finds voice higher at the end of this sentence?
Study finds voice higher at the end of this sentence?
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