Articles by: Adam Adler

HE FINALLY DID IT! : Local Man Sets New Personal High Score In Minesweeper

February 16, 2009 5:19 pm0 comments
HE FINALLY DID IT! : Local Man Sets New Personal High Score In Minesweeper

By Stanley Waters After spending what seemed like countless hours in front of his computer, local man Benjamin Alder managed to accomplish what many people thought was impossible. Last Thursday, at 2:33 AM, Alder successfully completed the “Expert” level of Minesweeper in 122 seconds, besting his previous high score by […]

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Mississippi School Begins Teaching “Intelligent Warming”

February 8, 2009 4:32 pm0 comments
Mississippi School Begins Teaching “Intelligent Warming”

JACKSON—Just a few months after bringing “Intelligent Design” into Mississippi classrooms, the Department of Education in Mississippi has decided to bring a new controversial theory to students across the state. In a press conference held yesterday, Haley Barbour, governor of Mississippi, discussed his new education policy: “As of next year, […]

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Franken Relaunches Comedy Career, Changes C-SPAN into Comedy Network

January 25, 2009 7:09 pm0 comments
Franken Relaunches Comedy Career, Changes C-SPAN into Comedy Network

By Stanley Waters WASHINGTON D.C.—In an unexpected act of brilliance, comedian Al Franken relaunched his comedy career last week as he began his first week in the US Senate. After winning the closest election in US history, Franken announced his “master plan” to the people of America. “As promised, the […]

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Cheney in Wheelchair at Obama’s Inauguration; One Step Forward, Two Steps Back in Becoming Dark Sith Lord

January 20, 2009 8:55 pm0 comments
Cheney in Wheelchair at Obama’s Inauguration; One Step Forward, Two Steps Back in Becoming Dark Sith Lord

By Stanley Waters WASHINGTON, D.C.–Last Tuesday, former Vice President Dick Cheney moved one step closer towards achieving his lifetime goal of becoming a Sith Lord. At President Barack Obama’s inauguration ceremony, Cheney was seen, for the first time ever, in a wheel chair, a sign immediately recognized by Star Wars […]

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Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

December 7, 2008 8:02 pm0 comments
Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

By Stanley Waters This year, the citizens of the United States will receive a special Christmas gift from the government. In light of recent economic difficulties and a general feeling of gloom across the country, Congress is expected to revise the Constitution for the first time in several decades. The […]

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Obama’s First Presidential Action To Get, Walk New Puppy

November 8, 2008 9:04 pm0 comments
Obama’s First Presidential Action To Get, Walk New Puppy

In an unexpected course of events, president elect Barack Obama has already started making presidential decisions. Last Wednesday, just one day after being elected, Obama announced that for his first act as president he will bring change to the White House by ousting the Bush’s dog Barney. “The people of […]

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Campus Police Give Up, Replace ‘STOP’ Signs With ‘GO’ Signs

October 12, 2008 2:10 am0 comments
Campus Police Give Up, Replace ‘STOP’ Signs  With ‘GO’ Signs

By Stanley Waters STANFORD—Last Thursday, in an act many have seen coming for over a decade, Stanford’s campus police department announced its decision to remove all stop signs from the Stanford campus. The initiative is designed to cut down on crime and ease the heavy workload on campus police. “Every […]

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