Astronomers Struggle to Find New Adjectives to Make Moon Seem Interesting

February 7, 2018 12:00 pm
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Astronomers Struggle to Find New Adjectives to Make Moon Seem Interesting

Last year, the world watched the Total Solar Eclipse, enraptured. The moment served as both a touching reminder of the beauty of nature and a convenient way to cull the eyesight of those Darwin would’ve deemed unfit.

The event went off without a hitch — save for the newly blind — and astronomers were left eager to prove they had more to offer. And as promised, on January 31, 2018, the Super Blue Blood Eclipse arrived. However, despite the even cooler name, the public was not as engaged the second time around.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson offered his input: “People need to understand that we astronomers treat adjectives like vodka shots in a punch bowl; the more we throw in, the cooler the event’s going to be. I don’t know, I guess people are getting bored of looking at the same old moon. The number one priority of astronomers everywhere should be coming up with cooler names for these events so people will give a shit about our work again.”

The next event, Tyson says, is right around the corner. On February 17, the just-discovered “Succulent Aristocratic Mega-Eclipse of Great Fortune” will be visible for about 8 minutes. He claims this event only arises when the moon is particularly close to the Earth, and it’s the second full moon of the month, and there’s an eclipse, and the day of the month is a prime number, and two animals have been removed from the endangered species list within the past week.

This well-respected and definitely not just made up right now phenomenon is estimated to occur just once every ever.

The Flipside brought in Hyungduk Lee, nerd Ph.D. student in astrophysics, to explain to us the significance of this event. Honestly, we got bored and zoned out during the interview, but he seemed excited about it. Which is good, considering no one else is.