Post Tagged with: "water"

The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

May 22, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty
The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

The drought is gone, and California is saved. We did it! And now that the water’s back, we are glad to bring these wet tidings to you now. Turn on all of the water taps. Let them run. For now is a time of plenty! We’ve got water to spare, […]

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Drought Ends Just in Time for Admit Weekend

April 25, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Drought Ends Just in Time for Admit Weekend
Drought Ends Just in Time for Admit Weekend

STANFORD, CA – After five years of alarmingly low levels of rain water that left California in a state of emergency, the drought was said to be no match for Stanford’s Admit Weekend. Witnesses mentioned that the bare bone reservoirs of Shasta, Oroville and Folsom were immediately filled back up […]

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NASA Begins Search For Water In Stanford Fountain

October 5, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on NASA Begins Search For Water In Stanford Fountain
NASA Begins Search For Water In Stanford Fountain

“Locating fairly conclusive signs of liquid water on Mars indicated it was time to move onto the real challenges,” confirmed administrator Charles Bolden last Sunday. “Sure, there could be life elsewhere in the universe, but California? That would fucking blow our minds.” Successfully avoiding the culmination of decades searching for extraterrestrial […]

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Water Conservation Initiative to Curb Jeff’s Shower Masturbation

May 11, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Water Conservation Initiative to Curb Jeff’s Shower Masturbation
Water Conservation Initiative to Curb Jeff’s Shower Masturbation
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Fountain Water Dyed Invisible in New Big Game Week Tradition

November 17, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Fountain Water Dyed Invisible in New Big Game Week Tradition
Fountain Water Dyed Invisible in New Big Game Week Tradition
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Researchers Find Natty and Life On Mars

October 9, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Researchers Find Natty and Life On Mars
Researchers Find Natty and Life On Mars

Reports have been slowly coming in over the weekend, but what was long suspected has now been proven conclusively true: there is, in fact, life on Mars. Stanford scientists first took notice when they saw groups of people walking towards the doors of Mars starting at approximately 10:00 PM Friday […]

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OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games

April 9, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games
OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games

In a yearly celebration designed to remember the horrors of excess alcohol consumption and the Great Alcohol Transport of 1994, Stanford will celebrate the Drinking Games this week. Last week, one boy and one girl were selected from each freshman dorm in an event known as the Draw. These students, […]

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Sky Runs Out of Water; Resorts To Cats, Dogs

January 27, 2010 6:16 pm0 comments
Sky Runs Out of Water; Resorts To Cats, Dogs

According to several reports from around the blogosphere, the entire sky has officially run out of water. With several trillion pounds of rain pouring down in the Bay Area in the past week, the sky has been unable to keep up with the increasing demand. The sky complained, “Water can […]

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Lead Synchronized Swimmer Drowns, Rest Follow

February 2, 2009 5:44 pm0 comments
Lead Synchronized Swimmer Drowns, Rest Follow
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