Post Tagged with: "Taylor Swift"

Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

December 12, 2016 12:49 pmComments Off on Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations
Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

Facing accusations of “various club members getting pitchers at Treehouse”, Stanford’s Band announced Monday that it was ready to offer the university’s administration $60,000 to resolve the issue quietly with an extrajudicial settlement. “We’re just trying to speak their language” commented Band member “Toaster Strudel”, a kitchen sink slung around his neck and a […]

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Cool Grandma Plans To Get “Eggnog Blitzed” This Holiday Season

December 5, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Cool Grandma Plans To Get “Eggnog Blitzed” This Holiday Season
Cool Grandma Plans To Get “Eggnog Blitzed” This Holiday Season

Betty Peterson, 90, is quick to remind family and friends that she lives for only two things in this world: “playing bridge and getting belligerent.” Regarding last year’s holiday events, Betty’s youngest grandson Doug recounted: “Last Christmas, I asked Santa for a new skateboard. I was really excited to see […]

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Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

December 2, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc
Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

Senior Justin Henshaw rose to Stanford-wide internet infamy Sunday after taking a stand against Twitter’s 140-character limit. Alongside friends who have led the #NoDAPL campus movement against the Dakota Access Pipeline, various walkouts, and several support rallies, Justin has become a strong figurehead for student-led activism at Stanford. “I just really […]

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Freshman Forming Deep Friendship With RA Who Is Contractually Obligated To Do So

November 14, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Forming Deep Friendship With RA Who Is Contractually Obligated To Do So
9/24/10 North Quad Phase II Housing images.

Lucie Stern Residence Hall – Gleefully exclaiming that he can see the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Donner freshman Michael Levin reported Friday that he is” really hitting it off” with second floor RA Tristan Snow (MCS ‘18), whose job responsibilities explicitly include befriending the Freshmen under his purview. “At […]

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Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”

September 22, 2016 12:01 pmComments Off on Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”
Coolest Kid at NSO Already “So Over This Lame Place”

Early reports from sources in Wilbur indicate that Saniyya Miller, the coolest member of the Stanford Class of 2020, is already “tired of this weird, conform-y, suffocating campus”.  Despite the excited shouts of her RAs, the warm smiles of her newfound dormmates, and a slew of upbeat orientation programming, Miller […]

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Bath Salts Still “Technically” EANAB Under New Student Alcohol Policy

August 22, 2016 2:40 pmComments Off on Bath Salts Still “Technically” EANAB Under New Student Alcohol Policy
Bath Salts Still “Technically” EANAB Under New Student Alcohol Policy
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Nike Launches “Just Shoe It” Campaign

May 31, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Nike Launches “Just Shoe It” Campaign
Nike Launches “Just Shoe It” Campaign

Following a year of low sales, Nike Inc. has announced a new advertising campaign. It will feature a new and exciting direction for the company. The company’s new direction is typified by the slogan “Just Shoe It”. The campaign lets consumers know they can purchase Nike-brand shoes. “We decided to […]

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Stanford in Redwood City Deemed School’s “Worst Abroad Program”

May 9, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Stanford in Redwood City Deemed School’s “Worst Abroad Program”
Stanford in Redwood City Deemed School’s “Worst Abroad Program”

Only months after its establishment, Stanford in Redwood City has already drawn criticism as Stanford’s worst-ever abroad program. Although it features several amenities not available on Stanford’s home campus, such as a “a town square that will serve as the civic heart of the campus” and “ample parking”, students have […]

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Board Members Estimate Grandchildren Will Be Rich Enough to Avoid Whatever Global Warming Throws at Them Anyway

May 2, 2016 12:01 pmComments Off on Board Members Estimate Grandchildren Will Be Rich Enough to Avoid Whatever Global Warming Throws at Them Anyway
Board Members Estimate Grandchildren Will Be Rich Enough to Avoid Whatever Global Warming Throws at Them Anyway

The Board of Trustees announced this week that, despite countless student protests, petitions, and calls by faculty to divest Stanford of fossil fuels, they will ultimately not modify the university’s existing investment portfolio. But while many were confused by the decision to support an industry that has proven to be […]

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Taylor Swift Goes Incognito in Local High School, Searching for Next Boyfriend

January 17, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on Taylor Swift Goes Incognito in Local High School, Searching for Next Boyfriend
Taylor Swift Goes Incognito in Local High School, Searching for Next Boyfriend

Taylor Swift has decided to return to school- but it’s not just homework, books, and teachers’ dirty looks for this pop star. Swift has hit the the halls of a local high school in oversized shades and a baseball cap, searching for her next fling. While in the past Taylor […]

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