Post Tagged with: "Stanford"

Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

January 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™
Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

Dear Stanford Student™, When you joined Stanford University™, you joined not only a brilliant, diverse, hotbed of innovation, but also a community that values self-expression above all else. As an administration, we support students in their out-of-the-box thinking and identities. In light of recent events, however, we would like to […]

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Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

January 13, 2017 9:00 amComments Off on Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake
Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

When I got a pet snake for Christmas, I thought it would be nice to bring it back to school and let it live in my dorm with me. I imagined it slithering from room to room, bringing a little serpentine cheer to all whom it encountered. Call me a […]

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Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

December 12, 2016 12:49 pmComments Off on Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations
Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

Facing accusations of “various club members getting pitchers at Treehouse”, Stanford’s Band announced Monday that it was ready to offer the university’s administration $60,000 to resolve the issue quietly with an extrajudicial settlement. “We’re just trying to speak their language” commented Band member “Toaster Strudel”, a kitchen sink slung around his neck and a […]

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Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

December 2, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc
Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

Senior Justin Henshaw rose to Stanford-wide internet infamy Sunday after taking a stand against Twitter’s 140-character limit. Alongside friends who have led the #NoDAPL campus movement against the Dakota Access Pipeline, various walkouts, and several support rallies, Justin has become a strong figurehead for student-led activism at Stanford. “I just really […]

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Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

November 28, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early
Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

So I had my Chem midterm this week, and I thought it was actually really easy. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, especially because I barely studied. I had, like, 3 papers due this week and another midterm coming up, so I honestly didn’t even care about […]

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Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

12:00 pmComments Off on Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way
Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

A research team at the Stanford psychology department recently completed a two year study on you and every single other person. After a comprehensive review of the results, the research team concluded that everyone else has it better than you in every single way, most likely because you suck so […]

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Freshman Forming Deep Friendship With RA Who Is Contractually Obligated To Do So

November 14, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Forming Deep Friendship With RA Who Is Contractually Obligated To Do So
9/24/10 North Quad Phase II Housing images.

Lucie Stern Residence Hall – Gleefully exclaiming that he can see the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Donner freshman Michael Levin reported Friday that he is” really hitting it off” with second floor RA Tristan Snow (MCS ‘18), whose job responsibilities explicitly include befriending the Freshmen under his purview. “At […]

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New Axe-Comm Member Not Sure When To Give Them The Axe, Take It Back

12:00 pmComments Off on New Axe-Comm Member Not Sure When To Give Them The Axe, Take It Back
New Axe-Comm Member Not Sure When To Give Them The Axe, Take It Back

After several intense meetings of the Stanford Axe Committee, freshman and new member Harry Kesler is still incredibly confused about some of the core tenets of the well-funded student organization. “Look, all I’m saying is that on one hand, we’re supposed to give them the axe the axe the axe. […]

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Student Wondering If Ceiling Fan Rotating Fast Enough To Decapitate TA

October 19, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Wondering If Ceiling Fan Rotating Fast Enough To Decapitate TA
Student Wondering If Ceiling Fan Rotating Fast Enough To Decapitate TA

Gazing idly at the rotating blades whirring above the whiteboard at the end of the room, junior Robert Schmidt reportedly wondered aloud yesterday whether the ceiling fan was moving fast enough to decapitate his TA. “Yeah, I bet that sucker could chop his head clean off,” Schmidt whispered to reporters as the TA answered […]

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Student Running Pretty Low on Tide Pods

October 18, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Running Pretty Low on Tide Pods
Student Running Pretty Low on Tide Pods

Following a trip to the Trancos laundry room last Thursday, sophomore David Siegelman was shocked to discover that his supply of Tide Pods was dangerously lacking. “Uh oh.” Siegelman reportedly uttered to himself after calculating that he could handle just two more loads of laundry with the current amount of detergent […]

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