Post Tagged with: "rush"

Local Freshman Only One Not Doing Rush Limbaugh

April 10, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Local Freshman Only One Not Doing Rush Limbaugh
Local Freshman Only One Not Doing Rush Limbaugh

Sitting alone in the Donner common area while intermittent thuds emanated from every single other room in the building, local freshman Demetrius Klumpp came to the discomforting realization late Friday night that he was the only person in the entire university not doing Rush Limbaugh. “I guess I didn’t get […]

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Sorority Sisters Gather for Weekly Youth-Replenishing Calf Sacrifice

May 2, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Sorority Sisters Gather for Weekly Youth-Replenishing Calf Sacrifice
Sorority Sisters Gather for Weekly Youth-Replenishing Calf Sacrifice

Running low on vital life force, the sisters of the Rho Beta Gamma sorority gathered at Old Union beneath the transposition of Mars and Venus on Sunday for their weekly, youth-replenishing sacrifice of a virgin calf. A pentagram made of glitter with vanilla-scented candles at each of its corners decorated […]

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Freshmen Savor Last Weeks of Friendships Before Rush

February 22, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshmen Savor Last Weeks of Friendships Before Rush
Freshmen Savor Last Weeks of Friendships Before Rush

With spring quarter rapidly approaching, the annual rush for Greek organizations is just around the corner. Freshmen have spent the whole year carefully building deep friendships in their dorms and now it is finally almost time for many of them to be severed by the rush selection process. “Gabe definitely […]

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Frat Rush Def Not As Chill in Rain

April 7, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Frat Rush Def Not As Chill in Rain
Frat Rush Def Not As Chill in Rain
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New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush

March 31, 2014 12:02 pmComments Off on New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush
New Stanford Admissions Process Modeled After Frat Rush

As March comes to a close, high school seniors across the nation eagerly wait to see whether or not they will be accepted by their top college choices. For decades the admissions process at Stanford has involved application readers intensely poring over thousands of essays and engaging in hours of […]

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Rush Week Devolves Into Farce as Fraternities Decide to Choose on Merit

April 10, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on Rush Week Devolves Into Farce as Fraternities Decide to Choose on Merit
Rush Week Devolves Into Farce as Fraternities Decide to Choose on Merit

Students all across the Stanford campus are currently outraged upon hearing of the recent decision by many fraternities to choose their future pledges based purely on their strength of character and the quality of their convictions, rather than the current strategy, which consists of a drunken extravaganza of dart-throwing and […]

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Inter-Fraternity Council Changes Rush to “Chill”

April 9, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Inter-Fraternity Council Changes Rush to “Chill”
Inter-Fraternity Council Changes Rush to “Chill”

In what the Inter-Fraternity Council (IFC) President Nick Silver calls “an effort to more accurately portray the true personality of fraternities at Stanford,” the IFC has declared that the Greek recruiting period at Stanford be called “chill” instead of “rush.” “The word ‘rush’ implies a certain hurriedness that just isn’t […]

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College Prowler Visits Stanford On Sorority Rush Weekend; Cardinal Women Jump from C+ to A-

April 19, 2010 8:35 pm0 comments
College Prowler Visits Stanford On Sorority Rush Weekend; Cardinal Women Jump from C+ to A-

In an unexpected move by the college ranking website College Prowler, Stanford girls jumped from a C+ rating to an A- following a surprise inspection that took place over the weekend of April 9-11. Stanford males were shocked at the news, reporting that their interactions with hot girls had not […]

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Conservatives Applaud Rush Week

April 13, 2009 1:22 am0 comments
Conservatives Applaud Rush Week

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In light of Rush Limbaugh’s extremely popular and well received speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference, the Republican Party decided to honor the life and spirit of the infamous talk show host by dedicating the first week of April towards the promotion of activities normally conducted by Limbaugh. […]

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Pi Phi Girls Not Tall Enough To Go On This Ride

12:57 am0 comments
Pi Phi Girls Not Tall Enough To Go On This Ride
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