Post Tagged with: "Politics"

Congress Grills Mark Zuckerberg: Why Are Millennials So Into Electronic Music?

April 16, 2018 11:59 amComments Off on Congress Grills Mark Zuckerberg: Why Are Millennials So Into Electronic Music?
Congress Grills Mark Zuckerberg: Why Are Millennials So Into Electronic Music?

On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of the Senate Judiciary and Commerce committees in a long-awaited reckoning for the Facebook CEO. Viewers anticipated the excoriation brought on by the compelling interrogation on Facebook’s loose handling of data and government regulation of tech companies. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana began […]

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Democrats Deemed Just as Doomed and Hopeless as 2015 GOP

January 10, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Democrats Deemed Just as Doomed and Hopeless as 2015 GOP
Democrats Deemed Just as Doomed and Hopeless as 2015 GOP

Noting their loss of the White House, their crumbling state-level infrastructure, and their failure to take back several Senate seats previously deemed easy pickups, political analysts of all partisan stripes noted in recent weeks that the Democrats are essentially just as “irreparably, totally doomed” as the Republicans were in 2008, […]

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Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing

November 19, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing
Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing

When it was first revealed that the Republican party would be replacing its controversial debates with a giant talking fish named Lars, everyone was happy. However, as the hours drew long and it finished its rambling-but-endearing monologue about the rules of football, its comforting bonhomie was replaced by a dreadful […]

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Jeb to Go Back in Time, Resurrect Entire Campaign

November 16, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Jeb to Go Back in Time, Resurrect Entire Campaign
Jeb to Go Back in Time, Resurrect Entire Campaign

Having already stated in interviews that, given the choice, he would absolutely go back and kill a hypothetical baby version of the late German dictator Adolf Hitler, GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush has turned his mind to other ways in which he could use the ability to travel back in […]

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Trump Bridges Ideological Divide Between Conservative Dad, Liberal Son

September 21, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Trump Bridges Ideological Divide Between Conservative Dad, Liberal Son
Trump Bridges Ideological Divide Between Conservative Dad, Liberal Son

ARLINGTON, VA – Walter Greene Jr., a rising sophomore at home for summer vacation, was worried last Tuesday when his conservative father set down a fork at dinner and loudly declared “let’s talk politics!” In recent years, the phrase has indicated that the two were about to engage in an […]

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Boehner the Epitome of Class at State Of The Union

February 3, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Boehner the Epitome of Class at State Of The Union
Boehner the Epitome of Class at State Of The Union

WASHINGTON, DC–At this year’s State of the Union address, Speaker of the House John Boehner looked past his differences with President Obama to present a united front to the American people. Sitting directly behind the President, Boehner reinforced Obama’s message with supportive coughs, pursing his lips with encouragement.  Every so […]

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Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it

November 11, 2013 9:02 amComments Off on Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it
Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it

Until last Thursday, Cedro resident Clarence Goodman had experienced a smooth transition into life on the Farm. He joined an a cappella group, earned a some scars learning to bike with no hands, and even kissed a few lucky ladies under the light of the Full Moon on the Quad. […]

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Obama Goes on Erectile Dysfunction Tangent During State of the Union Address

February 22, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on Obama Goes on Erectile Dysfunction Tangent During State of the Union Address
Obama Goes on Erectile Dysfunction Tangent During State of the Union Address

Political analysts and news syndicates expressed surprise over President Obama’s State of the Union Address, which included an unexpected ten minute digression regarding the topic of erectile dysfunction. The Commander-in-Chief addressed both his colleagues and the American people, explaining that it’s perfectly acceptable for men over fifty to become impotent, […]

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Flipside Voter’s Guide 2012

November 5, 2012 12:01 pmComments Off on Flipside Voter’s Guide 2012
Flipside Voter’s Guide 2012

You know Romney’s a rich Mormon and Obama’s a Kenyan socialist, but what other sweeping generalizations can we make about the presidential candidates? Barack Obama – leads among Gitmo employees concerned about job security – blames bad haircut on uncooperative Republican congress – uses “just a little bit of tongue” […]

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Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

October 2, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters
Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

“Yow! Watch me!” Mitt Romney began his speech to William and Mary Students in the pivotal swing state of Virginia. “Man, don’t it feel mess to be back up on the main kick, I tell ya.  This joint is jumpin!” With only a month to go until election day and […]

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