“Beat Cal” Slogan Ruining Calvin Andrew’s Life

November 16, 2011 1:00 am
“Beat Cal” Slogan Ruining Calvin Andrew’s Life

Junior Calvin Andrews is a good guy. He gets good grades and participates in community service and extracurricular activities. Sadly, during Calvin’s freshman year, his friends started calling him “Cal.” Ever since adopting the unfortunate moniker, Calvin has been the victim of numerous, relentless assaults on his person. “Everywhere I […]

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College Gameday Allows Hundreds to Enjoy the Oval for First Time Since their Admit Weekend Campus Tours

November 15, 2011 6:00 am
College Gameday Allows Hundreds to Enjoy the Oval for First Time Since their Admit Weekend Campus Tours

With the arrival of ESPN’s flagship college football program College Gameday and, more importantly, Erin Andrews, hundreds of Stanford students finally had the opportunity to enjoy The Oval for the first time in their undergraduate careers. “I remember my Admit Weekend tour guide telling me that The Oval was a […]

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Herman Cain Opens For Maroon 5 at Ford Center

November 14, 2011 5:22 pm
Herman Cain Opens For Maroon 5 at Ford Center
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Issue 98 Puzzles

12:00 pm
Issue 98 Puzzles
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“Spider Scare” Brings US House to a Standstill

6:00 am
“Spider Scare” Brings US House to a Standstill

WASHINGTON, DC–Last week, amidst heated debate over Obama’s Jobs bill, the United States House of Representatives shut down after Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) saw a spider. “We were debating Obama’s Jobs Bill, when all of a sudden we see Chuck just go ballistic,” said Paul Ryan (R-WI). “He yelled out […]

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Math Student Finds Real Analysis Much Less Interesting After Getting Action

6:00 am
Math Student Finds Real Analysis Much Less Interesting After Getting Action

Sources report that sophomore Nathan Kingston, child prodigy and math aficionado, has lost significant interest in the arcane processes behind real analysis after getting some action at Sigma Nu last Friday night. “Basically, I’m the shit now,” a confident Kingston told the Flipside, scratching his balls nonchalantly. “For a while, […]

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