Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan-ites Rejoice as Dictator Replaced by New Dictator

November 10, 2011 6:00 am
Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan-ites Rejoice as Dictator Replaced by New Dictator

Hope springs anew in the war- and poverty-plagued middle east as Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan holds democratic elections following the toppling of its long-standing dictatorship. Already, the new terrorist-sponsored regime is in place and implementing such progressive policies as gender-neutral stoning for adulterers, and a proposed economic overhaul that redistributes guns to the […]

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Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Stanford

November 9, 2011 6:00 am
Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Stanford

Mark Gruelle realized one morning that fewer than 1% of Stanford students were in the Occupy Stanford movement, so he decided to protest, representing the 99% of Stanford students who think the Occupy Stanford is stupid. He got even less people to join his Occupy Occupy Stanford movement, leading Mary […]

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Stanford Beijing to Bring Tourism to China

November 8, 2011 3:27 pm
Stanford Beijing to Bring Tourism to China

This week, Stanford finalized a proposal to build a $4.5 billion campus in Beijing. Dubbed “StanfordBJ,” the campus will increase the presence of Stanford across the Pacific. “Stanford has proven to be a major tourist destination for visitors to Silicon Valley,” exclaimed President Hennessy. “StanfordBJ has the ability to help […]

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Issue 97 Puzzles

November 7, 2011 12:00 pm
Issue 97 Puzzles
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ASSU Counters Claims That They Don’t Do Anything By Releasing Thanksgiving Hand Turkeys

6:00 am
ASSU Counters Claims That They Don’t Do Anything By Releasing Thanksgiving Hand Turkeys

Seeking to fulfill their campaign pledge of “creating tangible results that all Stanford students can appreciate”, ASSU executive members sent out a mass email containing pictures of the Thanksgiving hand turkeys that they have been working on since the beginning of the school year. “We think it’s a heartening rebuttal […]

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Coldplay Re-Releases Viva La Vida with New Song Titles and Cover Art

6:00 am
Coldplay Re-Releases Viva La Vida with New Song Titles and Cover Art

Sources in the music industry report that popular British rock band Coldplay’s new album Mylo Xyloto has been found to be sonically identical to their last album, and that the band simply changed the song titles. The discovery was first made by music critic David Woolworth last week when he […]

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