Issue 117 Puzzles

May 14, 2012 11:57 am
Issue 117 Puzzles
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Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement

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Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement

In response to President Obama’s announcement that he personally supports same-sex marriage, Americans are preparing for the impending all-out, nation-wide sex party that will obviously follow this endorsement of basic civil rights. Critics argue that the President’s belief in marriage equality could be the last straw that sends the nation […]

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Student’s Poor Midterm Grade Actually Causes Apocalypse

6:00 am
Student’s Poor Midterm Grade Actually Causes Apocalypse

Despite assurances from friends and family that her subpar performance on the Math 51 midterm “wouldn’t be the end of the world,” sophomore Shannon Hayes opened Coursework to check her grade last Friday and, in doing so, set off a storm of demons and hellfire raining down from the heavens. […]

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Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?

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Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?

I like to think I’m a patient guy. I can watch the pot until it boils and I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit waiting in a line that went nowhere–but even I have my limits. Even I reach a point where I have to stop and say, […]

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Freshman Excited for Modest Mau5 Rave

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Freshman Excited for Modest Mau5 Rave
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XOX Plans To Take All of Greg Boardman’s Cups

6:00 am
XOX Plans To Take All of Greg Boardman’s Cups
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