Huntsman Drops Out of GOP Race in Hopes of Having an Affair

January 17, 2012 6:00 am
Huntsman Drops Out of GOP Race in Hopes of Having an Affair
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GOP Nominates a Cement Mixing Truck

6:00 am
GOP Nominates a Cement Mixing Truck

Confronted with a sorry group of candidates growing more ridiculous with each passing debate, the GOP recently announced an intent to forgo party decorum in favor of an unorthodox political strategy in the 2012 election. After a heated six hour, closed-door discussion, GOP leaders have announced that they will not […]

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Student Grabs Way More After-Dinner Mints Than Deemed Socially Acceptable After Eating at Nice Restaurant

6:00 am
Student Grabs Way More After-Dinner Mints Than Deemed Socially Acceptable After Eating at Nice Restaurant

Stanford sophomore Marcus Stevenson took considerably too many peppermint-flavored mints after a recent meal at an upscale Italian restaurant on University Avenue, which authorities have refused to identify. Traumatized witnesses reported seeing the twenty-year-old suspect seize anywhere between a “veritable shitload” and a “kilometric fuckton” of the red and white […]

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Despite Lack of Snow, Students Still Planning to Drink Heavily on Ski Trip

6:00 am
Despite Lack of Snow, Students Still Planning to Drink Heavily on Ski Trip

On the verge of the annual dorm ski trips, many Stanford students are worried about the way in which this year’s record low snowfall will impact trip quality. “I know there won’t be much snow, but I’m definitely still planning on drinking a shit ton,” said Sophomore Will Gold as […]

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Romney Literally Paying People to Vote for Him

6:00 am
Romney Literally Paying People to Vote for Him
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Sleep and Dreams Offered for the Last Time for the Third Time

6:00 am
Sleep and Dreams Offered for the Last Time for the Third Time
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