Bill to Replace Scientific Method with “Blue’s Clues” Method

December 8, 2011 6:00 am
Bill to Replace Scientific Method with “Blue’s Clues” Method

CAPITOL HILL—Today, Congress heard arguments over a bill that would mandate the replacement of the scientific method with what lawmakers are calling the “Blue’s Clues” method. The bill would eliminate observational evidence, rigorous laboratory analysis, and doctored scientists with paw prints, a thinking chair, and the Salt and Pepper Family. […]

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New SUAlert Writer Not As Funny As Last Year’s Writer

December 7, 2011 6:00 am
New SUAlert Writer Not As Funny As Last Year’s Writer

People were lining up down the block to read the new SUAlert text. However, the text did not live up to expectations. “It sounded so serious this time,” said text critic Sally Mack. “Last years’ were so funny. I’ve been waiting for so long, but ‘8pm robbery w/handgun occurred @ […]

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Why Aren’t We Shaving Our Novembeards?

December 6, 2011 6:00 am
Why Aren’t We Shaving Our Novembeards?
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Issue 100 Puzzles

December 5, 2011 12:00 pm
Issue 100 Puzzles
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Wikipedia Finally Uses Attractive Person to Raise Money

6:00 am
Wikipedia Finally Uses Attractive Person to Raise Money
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Ralph Castro Just Needs a Drink

6:00 am
Ralph Castro Just Needs a Drink

After the record number of alcohol transports this fall and the complete failure of the university alcohol policy, Ralph Castro, director of the Office of Alcohol Policy and Education (OAPE), has been getting a little depressed. “Honestly, can someone just get me a glass of whiskey right now,” said Castro, […]

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