Issue 86 Puzzles

May 3, 2011 11:11 am
Issue 86 Puzzles
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English Department Replaced by a Computer

9:00 am
English Department Replaced by a Computer

In response to the controversy surrounding declining enrollment in the humanities, Stanford has decided to replace the English department with a 15″ Macbook Pro. The computer will perform all of the functions of a current English professor, including generating papers and classifying essays. “We’ve determined what we need this computer […]

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James Bulger Ready to Take on Role as New FBI’s Most Wanted

1:50 am
James Bulger Ready to Take on Role as New FBI’s Most Wanted
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Bush Refuses To Give Obama “Mission Accomplished” Banner

1:15 am
Bush Refuses To Give Obama “Mission Accomplished” Banner
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BBC Studios Announces Sequel “2 Proud 2 Prejudiced”

May 1, 2011 3:11 pm
BBC Studios Announces Sequel “2 Proud 2 Prejudiced”

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a movie studio in possession of a profitable franchise must produce a sequel. In keeping with that rule, BBC Studios announced giving the green light to 2 Proud 2 Prejudiced (in 3D), with Michael Bay set to direct. The development comes after years […]

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Stanford to Rename Hoover Tower after Good President

3:11 pm
Stanford to Rename Hoover Tower after Good President

In light of mounting pressure from students, faculty, and alumni, the university has created a committee charged with the task of renaming Hoover Tower after a president who wasn’t such a failure. Possible candidates mentioned have included the so-called ‘not shitty presidents’: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, the Roosevelts, Kennedy, and Reagan. […]

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