Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

February 10, 2011 9:00 am
Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

An embarrassed and shocked freshmen male was reportedly asked if he was pregnant when he went to Vaden Health Center last week for a cold. The freshman, Jessie Stern, was mistaken for a girl due to his feminine name and long, flowing hair. Vaden issued a press release this week […]

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Mattress Researchers Release Innovative Mattress With No Wrong Side

February 9, 2011 8:27 pm
Mattress Researchers Release Innovative Mattress With No Wrong Side
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Bone Marrow Swabs Deemed A Gateway Donation

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Bone Marrow Swabs Deemed A Gateway Donation

Students are in outrage after Bone Marrow transplant trucks were seen on campus last week. Bone Marrow transplant volunteers ask for students only to get swabbed to be put in a database. While at first, it seems like a good thing to do for people in need, studies show that […]

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Unprotected Sex Between Bed Bugs Reaches Unprecedented Levels

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Unprotected Sex Between Bed Bugs Reaches Unprecedented Levels

An epidemic of bed bugs having unprotected sex with other bed bugs is plaguing Stanford dorms. The passionate and risky bed bugs have infested over 10 dorms and it is estimated that there are about 70 cases of unprotected sex every minute in every bed. With that many cases, the […]

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Updated Geneva Protocol Prohibits Popular Medieval Weaponry

February 8, 2011 9:00 am
Updated Geneva Protocol Prohibits Popular Medieval Weaponry

Yesterday, the United Nations General Assembly voted to enact an updated version of the Geneva Protocol, which has historically restricted inhumane wartime practices such as the use of chemical warfare. While virtually no progress was made on the topic of thermonuclear weapons, many other long overdue restrictions were put in […]

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Millions Divorced as Zodiac Change Causes Realignment of Stars

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Millions Divorced as Zodiac Change Causes Realignment of Stars

After recent changes in the Earth’s alignment, a new Zodiac symbol, Ophiuchus has been announced. With the creation of this new sign, Zodiac dates have been entirely shifted around, and with this change, the stars have become misaligned for millions of couples around the world. “Well I was an Aries […]

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