New Study: Asians Do Not All Look Alike

January 6, 2011 9:10 am
New Study: Asians Do Not All Look Alike

A recent Chicago University study suggests that the centuries-old belief that all Asians look alike may in fact be false. A veteran research team headed by Professor Friedrich Winzenfaust worked tirelessly for dozens of hours comparing thousands of Asian faces for evidence of facial differences. “We began with a basic […]

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Sophomores Have “Good Break”

January 5, 2011 9:10 am
Sophomores Have “Good Break”

CROTHERS MEMORIAL—Yesterday evening, sophomore Garrett Briley returned to Stanford from his winter break, in which he reportedly skied the Swiss Alps, met Vladimir Putin, and purchased a new iPhone. When asked by roommate Geoffrey Helterson how his break was, Briley replied, “Break was good. How about you?” Helterson, who had […]

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NYC Celebrates the Whitest Kwanzaa in Decades

1:35 am
NYC Celebrates the Whitest Kwanzaa in Decades
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Birthers Who Meet Obama in Person Want Better Evidence That it Was Actually Obama

1:34 am
Birthers Who Meet Obama in Person Want Better Evidence That it Was Actually Obama
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Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk

January 4, 2011 9:10 am
Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk

Stanford’s cross country team was thrown into chaos last week after one of its members accidentally purchased whole milk for the team at a local grocery store this past Sunday. “It seemed like a normal gallon of milk, but I must have been a little disoriented from not eating all […]

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Man Spends 127 Minutes Stuck in Winter Coat

January 3, 2011 11:12 am
Man Spends 127 Minutes Stuck in Winter Coat

In what is perhaps the most inspirational story of the year, Pittsburgh man Tom Welsh spent over two hours trapped in his winter coat before cutting himself out with a pair of nail clippers. The incident occurred in late November, when Welsh got home from a night of drinking alone […]

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