“It was really the only way to get across our message of not reacting and not directing any attention toward the whole thing,” explained an anonymous student protest-protest-protester. “So we decided to protest the protest of the protest, all in the name of tolerance.”

One of Stanford’s Christian youth groups also took offense to the extremism of the WBC, but took the side of the original counter-protesters. The group joined the fray, calling themselves the Protestant Protesters of the Protest Against the Protesting of the Westboro Protest. The WBC protesters, overwhelmed by crowding and confusion, left after only seven minutes.

Correction: There were several students selling controversial counter-tops, which also led to another counter-protest.

(Photo: Ralph Nguyen)

From time to time, the President shall inform Congress of the state of the union. Well folks, this year that state is Oklahoma.

When I took office a year ago, we had two wars, a severe recession, and a government deeply divided and in debt. We still have most of those problems, folks, and I ask you Congress, can you hear me now?

Fellow citizens, what we need now is to act, and I ask you members of Congress, is it in you? Do you have what it takes to keep this nation strong? We’ve been fighting for the health care bill, and bickering has led us nowhere. Members of Congress, no matter what party you are in, give me a break–break me off a piece of that health care bill. Partisan tactics will not stand—those tricks are for kids.

I’ve gotten letters from across the country–from those of you on Main Street and those of you on Wall Street, and your message has come in loud and clear: just do it. There are too many Americans across the country who wonder when they will get their next paycheck, and I promise to make the economy and job creation my number one priority for 2010 because you’re worth it.

Many folks ask me, how do you spell relief? Well, we passed the Recovery Act last year, also known as the Stimulus Bill, and because of that we have saved over two million jobs.

When I took over after this last administration, I knew one thing, and it was that we try harder. We cut taxes. We cut taxes for working families. We cut taxes for small businesses. We cut taxes for parents trying to send their kids to college. We cut taxes for billion-dollar CEOs.

We have finished a difficult decade, and as a country let’s move forward. As a wise president once said, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Can this country change? I say yes we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

This speech was brought to you by Exxon Mobil, GM, AT&T, JP Morgan Chase and the Hershey Company.

SCOTLEY: Mr. Savage, rumor has it that you and the Mythbusters team have chosen Stanford University as the focus of your next episode. Can you bust this myth?

SAVAGE: Ha ha, very funny Scott. But in all seriousness, yes, we have chosen Stanford. In fact, we’ve already finished filming.

SCOTLEY: Splendid! So, enlighten me. How do you choose the myths that you showcase?

SAVAGE: Well, an episode like this one requires some hard research: street interviews, digging into archives. But we ended up with even more material than we’d thought we would. You ever hear that Ultimate Frisbee was invented on Wilbur Field? Here were some more common ones: 70 percent of Stanford graduate will marry other alumni, there are more bikes on campus then people, if you crack an egg on the Mausoleum at midnight it’ll fry, the specter of Jane Stanford still haunts the steam tunnels. There are tons.

SCOTLEY: Which one did you choose for the show?

SAVAGE: We settled on the myth that Meyer Library was originally constructed to hold books, but that mistakes in the construction led to a building that wasn’t up to holding more than a few computers. Testing it was easy, though it led to some problems.

SCOTLEY: And the verdict?

SAVAGE: You’ll have to watch the show. But it’s quite the ride. The student volunteers were almost killed.

SCOTLEY: And were there any other myths you managed to bust on your trip to the Farm?

SAVAGE: To really bust a myth we use scientific principles of testing that require time, focus and a whole lot of work. We chose what worked best for our methods, and the myths we didn’t have time for will have to…well, remain myths. Though there are some myths that are so obviously true or false that there’s no need for a testing process. There’s obviously more people on campus than bikes. And President Hennessy is a vampire.

Melissa Bennett, spokesperson for the National Organization of Women, explained how the pad helps women during difficult times. “There are times in a woman’s life when things just aren’t easy. It is during these times that the pad can help the most. When things become messy and hard to handle, women need something they can rely on, and now they have the iPad.”

Women across the country share Bennett’s sentiments and are hailing the pad as the most important invention of the century. The benefit of the device comes in its improvements over previous models. Long time feminist and Mac enthusiast explained, “Up until now, our pads have been messy and cumbersome, but with the iPad, it’s different. With the new pad, everything is clear and streamlined.”

The iPad can also be beneficial for men. Ray Porter, a new Mac follower explained, “I never thought I would need a pad, but after seeing what it can do, I can’t wait to get my hands on one. I have a stressful life, and when I’m working through a difficult period of time, I need some peace of mind.”

The true strength of the iPad comes in its comparative advantage over competitors. Jobs explained it best during his keynote address: “The idea of a pad is nothing new. Pads have existed for centuries. More recently, our competitors have started developing them—palm pilots, pocket pads, and the like. Up until now, these pads have not been sources of pride. To the contrary, for many, pads are bulky and inefficient, devices of shame that must be concealed from view. With the iPad, we can change all that. Gone are the costly leaks of memory and other substances, gone is the embarrassment, and gone is the shame.”

The Apple iPad will hit stores next month. A package of 18 pads will sell for $5.00 at most retail outlets.