The Stanford Flipside » 36

Issue 36 Puzzles

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:15:16 +0000

John Arillaga Issued a Parking Ticking During Alumni Weekend

Kenji Tanabe — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:06:13 +0000

Southwest Makes Fat People Purchase Two Seats; Not Next To Each Other

Sam Lawrence — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:38:37 +0000

Free Stanford Education With the Purchase of a $50,000 Red Zone Tshirt

Zach Galant — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:36:41 +0000

Balloon Boy Family Too Dumb to Reenact ‘UP’

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:35:23 +0000

FORT COLLINS, CO–After failing to attract the eyes of the nation with Wife Swap, the Heene family turned to Disney for inspiration. They decided to put their son in a balloon to reenact UP, the story of a 6 year old boy and a crotchety old man who go away together in a flying house.
 
But when the Heenes they tried to put their reality stunt into practice, they faced several obstacles. First, they didn’t have nearly enough balloons to support their 6-year-old son Falcon.  ”We dun’ got down there and strapped him up to those hundred bee-loons,” says Richard Heene, the father of Balloon Boy. “But that darn air wasn’t lifting him up.”

  ”I think we just needed three more balloons,” said Falcon. “Red ones!”  

The Heenes were not the first ones to face challenges while reenacting Disney Movies. Several years ago a Kentucky family was arrested while reenacting Beauty and the Beast. Turns out bestiality is still illegal in Kentucky.  

The Heenes also forgot a crucial part of the movie UP, because the old man they hired wasn’t well enough to leave the nursing home.  

Once again, the reality show was not as good as the original movie.  

“Capitalism: A Love Story” a Blockbuster Success, Michael Moore Decides Capitalism Okay After All

Kenji Tanabe — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:32:32 +0000

After three weeks in the box office, Michael Moore’s new film, “Capitalism: A Love Story” has netted nearly 26 million dollars in ticket sales. The film, Moore’s first in several years, criticizes greed and disproportionate wealth in American society. But for Michael Moore, experiencing the multimillion-dollar profits from his film has led to a change in heart.

The Flipside tracked Moore down to his new mountainside water park and asked him what prompted this change of heart. Moore explained, “I guess talking to all those people losing their homes from foreclosure and bankruptcy was sad… but, I mean it’s not my fault they’re poor.” Moore then proceeded to point out all the cool stuff he could now buy from his film earnings, including a helicopter and a share of the New York Yankees.

Moore even offered an apology to the profit-driven firms such as AIG and Goldman Sachs that he criticized heavily in the film, saying that his hostility was simply a misunderstanding. “We shouldn’t blame wealthy executives for having money. I mean, I just bought my first Lamborghini 640 Coupe, and now I truly understand just how cool it feels to spend ridiculous amounts of money on things you know no one else will be able to afford.”

Moore has already begun production on his new film, “Guns, Money, and Sick People: How to End The Social Security Crisis For Good”  

The Flipside Juice: Who Else Was in the Attic With Balloon Boy?

Jeremy Keeshin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 08:55:00 +0000

US Doesn’t Pull Out of Iraq; Iraq Now Pregnant

Zach Galant — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 03:02:23 +0000

Pregnancy tests on Iraq returned positive today, confirming suspicions held by many Americans and political pundits that the United States did not pull out in time. Despite Obama’s campaign promises to pull out of Iraq, the President never acted. It seems that his victory in the election last Fall excited the United States so much that it forgot what it was trying to do, allowing troops to continue to flow into and disseminate throughout Iraq. The White House reported that next time the US wants to invade a developing democracy, it will be sure to put it on the pill.