The Stanford Flipside » 35

Student Engineers Perfect Cheat Sheet For ME101

Kenji Tanabe — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 08:20:53 +0000

Student Brings 14 Pencils To Math Midterm Just In Case

Zach Galant — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:49:53 +0000

Freshman overachiever Jessica Pan brought 14 pencils (4 Regular, 3 Mechanical, and 7 Colored) to her Math 51 Exam last Tuesday. “I wanted to be prepared for everything,” she said. “I just knew that I’d never forgive myself for not bringing the 14th if my first 13 broke or ran out of lead.”

Luckily, she only had to use 3 of them to successfully complete the exam. Her first one broke in half while furiously erasing what later turned out to actually be the right answer. She lost her second one when she put it down on her lap to think, only to forget it was there moments later.

Jessica managed to hold on to her third one for the remainder of the exam, though she was prepared for the worst. She also brought easy mac, a flashlight, and a portable tent for shelter. “You can never be too sure what’s going to happen,” she said. While some students may consider this excessive, Jessica takes pride in her preparation.

Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due

Adam Adler — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:47:13 +0000

  STANFORD, CA—Taking a cue from the Nobel Prize Committee, the Stanford Writing Center has modified the guidelines used to determine the winners of the Boothe Prize. Last week, the writing center announced both the modified guidelines and the winner of the 2009 Autumn award. “I couldn’t believe it—I hadn’t even started writing my paper when they told me I’d won the top writing award!” exclaimed award recipient Alex Freed. Alex continued sharing his thoughts about the award: “I am both surprised and humbled by the decision of the Boothe Committee. To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the IHUM kids who’ve been honored by this prize.”

After the committee made its announcement, the decision was analyzed by students and professors across campus. “It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t actually written the paper,” remarked IHUM professor Rob Reich. “The Prize serves to affirm the work we know he’ll accomplish before the end of the quarter. By presenting the award now, we hope to bolster his agenda, staving off procrastination and enabling him to write the paper he promised us on the first day of class.”  Freed’s IHUM paper is due tomorrow at 5PM.

Opinion: Excuse Me, Ma’am, But I Think Your Breasts Are Fake

Ellis Reid — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:44:46 +0000

I’ve seen a lot of breasts in my day, and that set looks nothing like anything I’ve seen before. For starters, they both seem to point the same way. Believe me, the left breast should point left and the right breast should point to the right—that’s how nature intended it. Do I have to remind you of how many breasts I’ve seen?

Plus, when you walk your breasts seem to jiggle about. That’s not what real breasts do. Real breasts stay in place as you move forward, just like bones or rocks. I doubt those could even poke my eye out!

What’s that? You don’t think that I’ve ever even seen a real breast! Well then why don’t you just take a peek into my internet browser history? And if that’s not enough—which believe me it should be—how about you check my latest pay-per-view statement.

Believe me, I’ve seen a lot breasts, and yours don’t look anything like any of the other ones I’ve seen. What was that? Have I ever seen breasts that aren’t represented on some sort of screen? Well, I mean…

Obama Gets Slimed

Barney Schmutz — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:19:46 +0000

Desperate Frat Requires IDs To Leave

Wyatt Roy — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:16:53 +0000