The Stanford Flipside » 32

Issue 32 Puzzles

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 05:06:01 +0000

Stern Goes Plateless

Flipside Staff — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:20:37 +0000

The Stanford community works hard to be as environmentally friendly as possible. Stanford Dining is proud to announce its new initiative to go not only trayless, but plateless, and utensil-less as well. This should reduce the amount of waste a substantial amount. View our slideshow of how Stanford students are already working hard to save our environment.

Click to launch slideshow

Desperate Students AutoTune Physics 45 Lecture

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:02:39 +0000

Stanford Researcher Discovers Missionary Position

Jeremy Keeshin — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:26:49 +0000

By Chad Levin

In another miracle of science, Stanford researcher Dr. Phillip Huang, PhD has discovered the missionary sex position.

Huang and his team of several undergraduate researchers have been studying intercourse between Homo sapiens for over a decade, and they claim this breakthrough promises to change the world forever.

“I’m very pleased to say that I am the first one to discover this so-called “missionary position.” After thorough testing with many subjects, it has proven to be quite robust, but full of surprises,” explained the stoic Dr. Huang.

Huang explains that what’s special about the missionary position is its simplicity. “It’s almost as if its been hiding right in front of our eyes all along,” remarked Huang. “It’s taken thousands of man-hours and billions of dollars, and I’m sure anyone who sees what we’ve discovered will think that it was definitely worth it.”

Huang will be holding a demonstration of his research next Tuesday at 8pm in Dinkelspiel Auditorium, and if you are unable to attend, the presentation will be posted that night on redtube.com

Admissions Decision Revoked After Student Reveals She Doesn’t Own a Mac

Sean Posada — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:20:11 +0000

It is 11:14 AM in Annenberg Auditorium. Professor Hussein begins to speak about the virtues of truth and morality, and one by one, his pupils pull out their MacBooks, MacBookPros, and their iPods, all set on proving their non-conforming, yet attentive, note-taking prowess. That was when it happened—Freshman Julie Spitler opened her computer—a machine devoid of the Apple logo. Yes, her computer was a Dell. At first she sat untouched—harmed only by awkward glances from fellow students, TA’s, custodians, and vampires alike. But thanks to the heroic actions of one brave student, all of this changed. International student Jose DeJalapeno immediately dialed 5-DELL and within minutes the Stanford police arrested, ID’d and detained Julie Spitler.

When asked about this heinous crime, President John Henessy responded, “This was an absolutely inconceivable breach of the Honor Code. To think that Spitler could bypass both our admissions office and campus security with such a façade is both frightening and intimidating. I mean, what if we let any student with a PC through our doors? I think by then we ought to name ourselves Berkeley.”

As punishment, Spitler was bombarded with pop-ups which stated she had won a free Mac. Then, instead of winning the Mac, she would get a virus. Unfortunately, she was asked if she was sure over twelve times before students gave up and instead threw cans of Spam in her cell. Mr. and Mrs. Spitler arrived the next day to bail their daughter out. They had the following to say “She was always a good kid. To think that she would actually be a demonic PC owner, well, that’s just not our daughter. I guess we should have seen it coming when she bought a Zune instead of an iPod. I mean, who in their right mind would do that?”

Julie Spitler will not be chanting “thirteen”. She faces criminal charges of disturbing the peace, public lewdness, and attempted manslaughter. She will appear in court October 11, 2009.

Wellness Room Doing Well

Michael Brandt — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:14:18 +0000

Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

Zach Galant — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:55:25 +0000

Over the past few days, every student on campus has gotten the swine flu. This recent epidemic, which originated from three promiscuous freshmen in Roble, has caused Stanford to reconsider the Full Moon on the Quad event. Students argued that the school wide make-out session is no longer dangerous to campus health because everyone already has the flu. “It can’t get any worse,” explained Sophomore Class President, Marie Caligiuri, “We might as well have some fun while we’re sick.” It remains to be seen whether awkward kids will still have to suffer through FMLOTQ (Fuck My Life On The Quad).

The Flipside Juice: Seven New Lofting Essentials

Jeremy Keeshin — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:50:10 +0000