Another fan, Troy Baker, summarized the feelings of most Potter fans: “When I watched the new Harry Potter movie, everything was so simple! Harry loved Ginny, Hermione loved Ron, and Voldemort was evil—But then I remembered the book. Rowling added all this stuff about Voldemort’s past and Harry’s emotional problems. All I could think was ‘Wow! This stuff is boring. Why isn’t this more like Transformers—there weren’t even any explosions!’”
              
   

To express their anger, Harry Potter fans organized rallies, protests, and marches in several locations around the world, forcing author JK Rowling to respond and apologize for her actions. “I’m sorry I let you down,” announced Rowling in a press conference shortly after protests began. “I know how special Harry is to each and every one of you, and I tried my hardest not to let you down—I even made Dumbledore gay.  But when that didn’t appease you I knew nothing would.  I hope in time you will forgive me, but I know that with the 7th movie scheduled for next year, I may never have your respect again.” Rowling continued her apology, vowing not to further develop her characters or stories ever again. She also assured Potter fans that she would stay away from the screenplay of the 7th Harry Potter movie.
        
    
Rowling is not the only one to respond to the demands of the Potter fans. Hollywood has also taken note—Slated to direct the next Harry Potter movie is Michael Bay—famous for his explosions in Transformers and his his plot holes in Transformers 2.



Thursday night, September 10, 2009, was most definitely not a good night, and would probably not even be considered an adequate night by Christine and her friends. First of all, Danielle got really drunk off of the 4 shots of vodka she drank and was acting like a total whore by the time they got to the party. Mikey, the guy Christine has had a crush on since freshman year ,got a text message during the pre-game, smiled, and never came back, and Susan got run over by a blonde-British-intoxicated-bicyclist carrying a box of Franzia and was left bleeding on the side of the road.

    

Only a sadomasochist would describe bleeding on the side of road as a good good night. According to Christine’s attorney (her last name is being withheld for security purposes), people across the country are finding their night’s over-hyped by the Black Eyed Peas, and are less inclined to go to sleep for fear of missing out on this supposed good, good night.

    

Attorney Mike Richards asked, “How is it possible that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday and Sunday are all ‘good good’ nights? It isn’t humanly possible. The Black Eyed Peas are liars and someone has to stop them from ruining our nights with high expectations!” Whether it’s true that the Black Eyed Peas are over-exaggerating the quality of our nights, or whether Christine just needs to sack up and get new friends, will be decided in court on October 18.



Brett has a history of being indecisive, so when he first declared heads, the referees waited and asked if he was sure. He shook his head a lot, shed some tears and muttered something about saying goodbye.

    

As the refs started to toss the coin, he blurted out for them to wait, but wouldn’t tell them if he wanted to switch to tails right away. After minutes of speculation, he finally changed his mind and requested the switch to tails, prompting NFL analysts to suddenly question the old adage, “tails never fails,” and ask if a 40 year old coin should really still be used in the NFL.

    

Favre won the coin toss, but fans believe it was because star running back, Adrian Peterson imposed his will on the coin, rather than the aging Favre’s decision.