The Stanford Flipside » 28

Issue 28 Puzzles

Jeremy Keeshin — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:09:13 +0000

The Flipside Magazine: Aw Shucks, The Glaciers Are Melting

Barney Schmutz — Tue, 19 May 2009 05:27:36 +0000

Stanford Replaces Security Guards With More Security Guards

Eric Conner — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:40:55 +0000

Fierce Debate Over Party Costume Breaks Out On Kibbitz List

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:40:04 +0000

Partygoers Heed PHE Advice, Leads to Worst Exotic Erotic Ever

Joel Cummings — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:37:57 +0000

Many Sober, Fully Clothed Students Trek to 680

After many harshly worded flyers from the Peer Health Educators (PHE), the Stanford student body has listened.

On Friday, May 15th, hundreds of boys and seven girls headed over to 680 Lomita for the annual and renowned Stanford tradition. However, because everyone was following the PHE advice, Exotic Erotic took an unexpected turn.

“The PHEs reminded us that there was no pressure to drink or get naked, so I didn’t,” said Freshman Ricky Ollen. “But neither did anyone else.”

Many fully clad and sober students milled about awkwardly, while several rebellious outcasts who had sipped a few drinks remained in the “social zone.”

After the event, many PHEs basked in their success. “Finally,” said the FloMo PHE. “I had this bad feeling they were just filtering out our emails.”

A Mother Laments Stanford’s “Gender-Biased” Dorm Housing

Zach Galant — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:36:19 +0000

By Alicia Huffman, mother of Denise Huffman ‘11

If sharing a room with a member of the same sex is not your idea of acceptable college housing, beware. Oblivious parents like me haven’t realized that Stanford has been forcing our children to live in these horrific “gender-biased” rooms.

Our daughter and Stanford sophomore Denise Huffman lives in a gender-biased, one-room double in Western Lagunita. While she claims to be happy with her living situation, we know otherwise.

We sent her to Stanford expecting them to prepare her for the real world. This isn’t the real world. I share a room with my husband. She has siblings that are boys. Real world housing is not single sex. Why should Stanford keep their policies how they have always been without notifying us ahead of time?

Stanford told us that they would not change the situation for Denise unless she filed a complaint. Denise apparently enjoys living with another girl and claims to be “biffles with her roommate,” whatever that means. Outrageous. Is it not enough if I complain?

A ‘gender-biased’ housing arrangement is not morally acceptable. My hope in the future is to warn other parents about how Stanford is trying to corrupt our children. Beware.

EXPOSED: Relay For Life Is A Pro-Life Event—We Support the Relay For Choice

Adam Adler — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:35:18 +0000

Every year, students across the country work to organize the “Relay For Life,” an event which, according to the American Cancer Society, “raises money for the fight against cancer.” But while the Relay For Life may seem like a genuine and legitimate attempt to end disease, further examination reveals that this event against “cancer” is a charade. What the American Cancer Society won’t tell you is that the Relay For Life is really pro-life, a relay against choice.

After realizing their efforts to win the hearts and minds of college students were doomed to failure, the American Right To Life movement came up with a new strategy—cancer. Patrick Devolt, leader of the pro-life movement explained, “We knew students would never join the pro-life movement willingly, so we needed to find a way to gain their support in a simple and non-controversial way. We thought, ‘Why not cancer? Everyone hates cancer!’ And so the Relay For Life began.”

Under the guise of fighting cancer, the Right To Life movement started the Relay For Life, an event which would raise money for their cause while also distracting students from their Pro-choice efforts.

In light of this recent discovery, Pro-choice activists have responded by organizing a Relay For Choice.

Though the Relay For Life has been successful for several years, many expect the Relay For Choice to give the Pro-life movement a run for its money. The events will be held on May 22nd and May 23rd and are sure to be fun for the whole family.

Student Almost Late To Class, But Makes It On Time

Zach Galant — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:32:31 +0000

Junior Jerry Sanders left for class a couple minutes later than usual from his dorm in Roble, fully expecting to be late to lecture by at least a minute or two. To his surprise, he made it just as class was starting and didn’t miss a thing. Jerry was relieved, attributing his success to a tactical shift in gears on his bike. “Next time, I hope I’m as lucky,” he said, “I totally could have been three or four minutes late.”

Stanford Project on Hunger (SPOON) Raises Questions About Literacy at Stanford

Justin Hefter — Mon, 18 May 2009 22:31:46 +0000

It recently came to the attention of university administrators that several groups on campus were having trouble taking the first letter of each word in their name and making an acronym. SPOON, the group that helps feed the homeless could stand for Stanford Puts Onions On Nipples, but there is absolutely no combination of the letters in SPOON that could result in Stanford Project on Hunger. There is no “H” in SPOON. Administrators are worried because Stanford is supposed to be a place of higher learning, and if students can’t even spell, then that calls into question whether Stanford is actually as academic as Harvard or Yale. Also under investigation is the new Stanford Spiked Punchline standup comedy group, whose acronym is PENIS.