March Madness is an extremely contagious disease, most prevalent in males. Side effects include painting your face and body, insanity, and a tendency to neglect bodily functions. It is extremely dangerous because there is a new strain every year, making the disease even more unpredictable.

President Obama moved this issue to the top of his priority list, having already begun to draft a bill fixing the issue. The bill will stipulate that all citizens have the right to a March Madness treatment called “There’s always next year.” He is also expected to include a clause granting him unlimited re-do’s on his bracket.

In a move that showcases Stanford’s ever powerful ability to locate ties between disparate subject areas, Math has been merged with the foreign language department. “For a long time we imported Math professors simply to make math as hard as possible to learn,” said President John Hennessy, “you know…sink or swim education. When we realized students’ foreign language skills were actually improving as a result, we decided to make the move. It’s really the Stanford educational tradition at its best.”

Sophomore student Allison Portman didn’t quite know what to think on the first day of Math 51. Russian professor Alexsander Fima entered and said, “I like mayth. Let us talk about fucktorials.” “He likes meth?” wondered the confounded Allison, “And did he say fuck?”

Many students at Stanford have felt this sort of confusion on their first day of a new language, but math, as an interdisciplinary subject, will help students grasp the sciences as well as the nuances of strange foreign accents.

“I loved my first course in interdisciplinary math,” said an interdisciplinary math major Shri Veran. “There’s no better way to enhance your understanding of broken english. I’d highly recommend it.”

But at the Flipside, we do things differently. We don’t make money here at the Flipside. Since we are not a “real” newspaper, we don’t have to worry about “real” problems like the economy. Well, maybe that’s not true.

Yes, it’s been hard for us here at the Flipside with the financial crisis. We have had to cut down from a twenty page tabloid to a two sided piece of paper. That was really hard for us. The financial problems here at the Flipside are getting so bad that we don’t even pay our staff members. We never used to pay our staff members, but we still don’t now. Times are tough dealing with fake problems.

But we promise you that at the Flipside we will continue to serve as an independent watchdog of the administration as well as a watchdog on the Stanford Daily. Actually, we can’t really promise that.

If you want to help the Flipside get through its drug addiction the financial crisis, here is how you can help:

1. Read the Flipside in print and online at www.stanfordflipside.com. There is even more stuff online. Can you believe that!

2. Continue to ask more of us.

3. Buy Flipside merchandise. The Flipside is actually solely supported by t-shirt and shot glass sales, so if you like the Flipside, you should buy our custom merchandise. This is serious. If you don’t have anywhere to drink your alcohol from, but a Flipside shot glass. And if you don’t have any clothes to cover your upper body, buy a Flipside t-shirt. (email flipside@stanford.edu to buy)