WASHINGTON, D.C.–Last Tuesday, former Vice President Dick Cheney moved one step closer towards achieving his lifetime goal of becoming a Sith Lord. At President Barack Obama’s inauguration ceremony, Cheney was seen, for the first time ever, in a wheel chair, a sign immediately recognized by Star Wars fans across the country as an effort to change from somewhat evil political leader to completely evil Sith Lord. “This move comes straight out of the books,” said Star Wars enthusiast James Clark, “We all saw what happened to Emperor Palpatine. He became so evil, his body could no longer support his inner soul—his evil crippled him. Now, Cheney is attempting to do the same thing. By attending the ceremony in a wheelchair, he is signaling his intent to become an evil Sith Lord.”

Despite the observations of millions of Star Wars fans around the world, former Vice President Cheney views his new physical condition as a setback in his efforts to become a Sith Lord. “I really feel as though I’m taking one step forward and two steps back,” he remarked. “Sure, I may be in a wheel chair, but Palpatine always had political power to back up his force powers. He was an emperor, and after Obama’s inauguration, what am I? I’m just an evil mastermind in a chair.”

Despite Cheney’s claim, it is clear that as Obama begins his presidency, the nation will still keep an eye on the former Vice President to ensure that the powers of the Sith Lord remain in a galaxy far far away.

The highly secretive Bush administration has generously promised that a number of its documents and records will be available to the public, although it is likely that they will be completely incinerated beforehand. Indeed, the Library will contain rather limited reading material: W. Bush favorites Go Dog Go, the Patriot Act, and an unknown Dr. Seuss book comprise the entirety of the written archives.

Bush has hinted that some unique exhibits will incorporated, including real weapons of mass destruction from Iraq, a shooting range with Osama bin-Laden targets, and a small-scale replica of the Guantanamo Bay Facility (with live detainees). The architect’s plans also show that Bush’s approval ratings will be showcased on the walls, although most of them will be turned upside-down to present a more favorable view of the President’s tenure in office.

Plouffe is known for his unremitting emails to supporters, sometimes numbering in the tens per week, asking for donations and forwarding video clips of ads and campaign speeches.

“I have great confidence in David,” said Obama at a press conference announcing the decision. “He has shown time and again that he is has the shamelessness and persistence to spam millions of Americans many times a day, breaking through even the toughest spam filters.”

On the Hill, where the appointment will have to be confirmed by the Senate, some lawmakers questioned the decision and pick.

“I’ve been on the Hill for years fighting pork projects and the President Elect has the gall to create a department of spam?” said Senator John McCain, notoriously computer illiterate, who believed at first the department had something to do with the canned meat product Spam. “What’s next, ambassador to Hillshire Farms and a Department of Bacos?”

The new department will be responsible for sending superfluous emails to Americans. “David’s role will change very little from the campaign,” said Obama. “Our first action will be to spam the country about a drawing we’re having for new contributors,” said Obama. “The winner will get to pet our new puppy.”

“The American people can rest assured: just because their retirement accounts are empty, doesn’t mean their inboxes have to be,” said Plouffe. “I look forward to continuing to work with President Elect Obama on the important task of filling your inbox with crap.”