Gmail Self-Conscious about New Look, Grows Needy

Since Gmail got its new facelift, users have noticed its new clingy attitude. “Every time I log onto my email, Gmail asks me how it looks,” said faithful Googler Craig Perper. “Honestly…it’s...

December 3rd, 2011

Kardashian Looking For New Fake Husband For Television

Kim Kardashian, famous for being famous, is currently on the prowl for her new television husband after the demise of her 72-day marriage to basketball player, Kris Humphries. She has recently leaked...

December 2nd, 2011

Local Junior Richard Wood Realizes that Hoover Tower Reminds Him of a Penis

Last Thursday, Richard Wood, junior, looked up to see Hoover Tower on his long ride to Creative Writing. “The day was going as usual; I had just eaten lunch and was on my way to afternoon classes. And...

December 1st, 2011

Sophomore Quits Turkey after Bad Thanksgiving Experience

In a surprising announcement released moments after waking up, still in his slacks, on the morning of Black Friday, Sophomore Jerry Langdon declared to his friends and family that he was “never eating...

November 30th, 2011

God Tells GOP Candidate to Run to Increase Obama’s Chances

November 29th, 2011

Picking Up the Turkey Drop: Donate a Girlfriend to a CS Major!

STANFORD, CA – The Salvation Army has partnered up with the Haas Center for Public Service in the first annual Stanford Turkey Drop. In addition to celebrating the fact that a bunch of white people...

November 29th, 2011

Issue 99 Puzzles

November 28th, 2011

“I Have Social Dance” Passed Off as Legitimate Excuse

November 28th, 2011

Violent Students Attack Police Pepper Spray Cans With Their Eyes

Within the last week, a video showing rioting students at UC Davis attacking unarmed cans of pepper spray with their eyes has gone viral and sparked outrage among pacifist and free-speech groups. Protestors...

November 28th, 2011

WNBA Players and Owners Argue Over How to Split This Year’s Losses

November 28th, 2011

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