President Obama Vetoes Keystone Pipeline, Call For Pabst Blue Ribbon Pipeline

Recently, President Obama has come under fire for refusing to approve construction of a Keystone pipeline from Alberta, Canada to the United States. Critics claim that the pipeline would have created jobs,...

February 25th, 2012

Westminster Dog Show Winner Perfects Leg Humping

Last Sunday the most puffed up and inbred dogs from around the country convened in the ultimate competition—the 136thAnnual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Competitive events included fetch, playing...

February 24th, 2012

Study Finds Students Get “Good Night’s Sleep” After Special Dinner

A study released earlier this week by members of the Kappa Alpha Fraternity suggests Special Dinner actually improves both quantity and quality of sleep for participating students, a landmark discovery...

February 23rd, 2012

Guy with Megaphone in White Plaza Thinks He’s Funny

Witnesses present in White Plaza Friday afternoon report that a man who could only be identified as “the jackass with the megaphone” clearly found himself to be pretty funny. “He kept accosting people...

February 22nd, 2012

Issue 107 Puzzles

February 21st, 2012

Dance Marathon Falls $150 Short of Curing AIDS

Several days after the Stanford 24-hour-long fiesta that is Dance Marathon, the staff who have dedicated the last few months to meticulously planning the annual event released the final numbers: 452 dancers,...

February 21st, 2012

Event to Raise Awareness for Very Important Cause Postponed Because Calypso and Talisman Were Both Busy

An event that was planned to raise awareness for a very important and time-sensitive cause was cancelled after singing and performing groups Cardinal Calypso and Talisman were both busy on the night of...

February 21st, 2012

University Finds Leland Junior’s Remains in XOX Basement

After revoking the lease from Chi Theta Chi, the university went in to clean up and renovate the house to bring it in accordance with university standards (two desks per room, one mirror, a house map,...

February 21st, 2012