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By Year

Freshman Finally Bunks Bed

Freshman Finally Bunks Bed
Twain Freshman Timothy Walker has officially bunked his bed, despite there being only a few short weeks before Spring Quarter ends. “You know, ever since the girl across the hall bunked her bed during...
May 18th, 2012

Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things

Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things
They say all addictions start with a first step. For some, that step is the puff of a joint. For others, it’s the tingling sensation of playing a slot machine, but for Barack Obama, that first step was...
May 16th, 2012

Admissions Announces Record Yield

Admissions Announces Record Yield
Following unusually warm temperatures throughout the month of April, the Admissions Office announced today that an unusually high number of caterpillars have accepted Stanford’s offers of admission,...
May 15th, 2012

Issue 117 Puzzles

May 14th, 2012

Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement

Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement
In response to President Obama’s announcement that he personally supports same-sex marriage, Americans are preparing for the impending all-out, nation-wide sex party that will obviously follow this endorsement...
May 14th, 2012

Student’s Poor Midterm Grade Actually Causes Apocalypse

Student’s Poor Midterm Grade Actually Causes Apocalypse
Despite assurances from friends and family that her subpar performance on the Math 51 midterm “wouldn’t be the end of the world,” sophomore Shannon Hayes opened Coursework to check her grade last...
May 14th, 2012

Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?

Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?
I like to think I’m a patient guy. I can watch the pot until it boils and I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit waiting in a line that went nowhere–but even I have my limits. Even I...
May 14th, 2012

Freshman Excited for Modest Mau5 Rave

Freshman Excited for Modest Mau5 Rave
May 14th, 2012

XOX Plans To Take All of Greg Boardman’s Cups

XOX Plans To Take All of Greg Boardman’s Cups
May 14th, 2012

With Record Enrollment in CS106A, “Late Days” on Verge of Hyperinflation

With Record Enrollment in CS106A, “Late Days” on Verge of Hyperinflation
With a record number of Stanford students enrolling in introductory programming classes this year, experts have begun to notice inflationary pressure on the unbacked currency known as “late days” that...
May 8th, 2012