The Stanford Flipside » US

World Shocked To Discover “Wikileaks” Divulges Classified Information

Adam Adler — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:06:39 +0000

American Celebrates Independence, Moves Into Parents’ Basement

Adam Adler — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 21:25:43 +0000

SUBURBIA—For over 200 years, Americans have celebrated the Fourth of July with barbecues, fireworks, and picnics with friends and family, but this year, Tyrell Jenkins, a 23-year-old from Redwood City, discovered a new way to celebrate his independence. This year, Jenkins celebrated the Fourth of July by moving from the first floor of his parents’ house to the basement.

Jenkins explained, “For years I was suffocating in my room up there—I lived just a few feet away from my parents. It was awful. But then I realized, ‘I live in America! I shouldn’t have to deal with this! I should be independent!’ That’s when I decided to move to the basement, where I can stay up as late as I want and I don’t even need to look for a job. To top it off, Mom says that since I’m on my own, I only have to eat half of my vegetables at dinner.”

Tyrell’s parents, who, after much deliberation, have decided not to accompany their son on his life-changing trip to the basement, are proud of their son. “I’m glad he’s finally moving on,” said his mother, Mary Jenkins. “We were so worried about him. He didn’t have a job, he wasn’t making any money, he hadn’t even brought a girl home in six months! But now, just look at him, he’s made real progress. In just a few more years, he might even move up to the attic to start a family.”

Taco Bell Introduces New Chicken Flotilla For $0.99

David Kravitz — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 04:33:13 +0000

Stanford Maintenance Finally Remembers to Turn on Spring

Adam Adler — Sun, 30 May 2010 22:23:37 +0000

First Arab-American Miss America Chosen For Her Sexy Eyes: Will Use New Position to Strive For “World Peace”

Zach Galant — Sun, 23 May 2010 22:17:41 +0000

Obama Appoints Another Fox To Supreme Court

Flipside Staff — Sun, 16 May 2010 21:03:11 +0000

Report: 94% of People Like Good Weather

David Kravitz — Mon, 10 May 2010 00:32:59 +0000

The Flipside Magazine: “Show Me Your Transcript”

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 03 May 2010 03:33:00 +0000

ASSU Undergrad Senate Grills Goldman Sachs Summer Interns

Flipside Staff — Sun, 02 May 2010 21:31:24 +0000

Earthquake Hits Applebees

Jeremy Keeshin — Sun, 02 May 2010 19:48:54 +0000

BAKERSFIELD, CA–In a major tragedy yesterday, an earthquake devastated a local Applebees. The Applebees had been home to several hundred consistent weekly visitors, but is now facing a minor inconvenience thanks to the quake.

According to Applebees waiter and witness, Luke Crowler, “When the quake hit, the tables started to shake a little bit, and six or seven plastic plates fell on the ground, but luckily didn’t break. We had to clean up some mustard on the ground, but that was mostly it.”

Several Applebees patrons were also affected by the earthquake, which measured 0.3 in magnitude on the Richter scale. “A little bit of water spilled on my napkin,” said 23 year old solo diner Rod Lausen. “But there was an extra one on my table.”

According to Bakersfield Applebee’s manager Lila Roppelt, the earthquake, nicknamed “Howie,” did not have any effect on the first rate quality of the egg rolls.