Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

October 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

Citing new evidence opposing the longstanding misconception that ghosts are the most terrifying creature to walk this earth, researchers at Stanford University announced yesterday that hippopotami are and have always been way more frightening. Though phantoms, specters, and other assorted ghouls may incite feelings of extreme dread and horror in […]

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Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge

May 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge
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Help! I Cloned Jesus from a Mosquito Trapped in Amber and Now He’s Ruining My Theme Park

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Help! I Cloned Jesus from a Mosquito Trapped in Amber and Now He’s Ruining My Theme Park

When I opened this theme park all those years ago, all I had was a little cash and a big dream: to create a place where visitors could come and, even if only for a few hours, experience the presence of our one and only messiah. But now look at […]

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Update: Internet Still Cesspit Full Of Racism

May 1, 2017 12:00 pm
Update: Internet Still Cesspit Full Of Racism

We are here this week to report that as of 6:34 PM on Sunday April 30th, the Internet is still a garbage place, and that it is mostly filled with racism. These are the results from a check that began at around 7:51 PM on Friday evening. The survey performed […]

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Stanford Announces New Student Web Portal To Make It Easier to Access Student Web Portals

April 17, 2017 12:00 pm
Stanford Announces New Student Web Portal To Make It Easier to Access Student Web Portals

In the most expansive change of its kind in Stanford history, university administration has announced the upcoming release of a revolutionary new student web portal that will make it easier to access all the other student web portals that already exist. The new application, called CardinalNext, will provide an intuitive, […]

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Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

April 6, 2017 8:17 pm
Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

Palo Alto – Reports show that Kenneth Overman, having achieved his long-standing goal of owning two separate recreational drones, has now switched his aspirations from acquiring drones to watching them face off in a 21st century airborne reinterpretation of gladiatorial combat. While investigations seem to indicate that Overman has not […]

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