Jim Harbaugh Extends Scholarship Offer to Embryo

May 23, 2016 12:00 pm
Jim Harbaugh Extends Scholarship Offer to Embryo

ANN ARBOR, MI – Fresh off of the news that Alabama head coach Nick Saban had extended a scholarship offer to Florida eighth grader Jesus Machado, Jim Harbaugh of the University of Michigan immediately announced that he had reserved a roster spot on the 2035 Wolverines roster for the embryo […]

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Obama Savors Silent Fist-Pump After Nailing Long-Range Paper-to-Wastebasket Shot

May 16, 2016 12:00 pm
Obama Savors Silent Fist-Pump After Nailing Long-Range Paper-to-Wastebasket Shot

Whispering “Kobe” as the crumpled defense deployment report floated effortlessly into his trashcan, President Obama silently savored a hushed air-punch Sunday after daring a long-range basketball-style shot from his desk to his wastebasket. “I’ve been trying to sink one like that since the debt ceiling crisis,” Obama said, leaning back […]

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Steph Curry’s Knee Best Player On The Portland Trail Blazers

May 2, 2016 12:00 pm
Steph Curry’s Knee Best Player On The Portland Trail Blazers
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Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

April 27, 2016 12:00 pm
Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

During the NBA playoffs, it is often easy to forget that there are 14 teams who did not make the postseason. On Sunday, though, the New York Nets and Brooklyn Nets made that difficult as they executed a blockbuster trade sure to shake the foundations of the NBA for years […]

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NFL Introduces Concussion-Friendly Programming to Boost Ratings

April 18, 2016 12:00 pm
NFL Introduces Concussion-Friendly Programming to Boost Ratings

In the NFL’s annual struggle to boost April ratings with their schedule in flux between the Superbowl and the NFL Draft, Commissioner Roger Goodell has introduced a new slate of concussion-related programming. The programming was created to get American eyes back on the league and simultaneously combat the league’s recent […]

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Kobe Ends Storied Career By Considering Passing Torch, Then Shooting Torch 50 Times Instead

April 13, 2016 11:00 pm
Kobe Ends Storied Career By Considering Passing Torch, Then Shooting Torch 50 Times Instead
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