PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR DEEDEE ANDERSON AND JASON SETER, THE FLIPSIDE SLATE, FOR ASSU EXEC

April 4, 2017 12:00 pm
PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR DEEDEE ANDERSON AND JASON SETER, THE FLIPSIDE SLATE, FOR ASSU EXEC

Dear Cherished Electorate, We are Deedee Anderson and Jason Seter. We are running for ASSU Exec, and we beg you not to vote for us. On April 13th and 14th, you, the student body, will have the opportunity to flex your democratic muscles by choosing your elected student leaders. It […]

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Yikes! No One Told Mike Pence That Jesus Died, And He Only Just Found Out

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LAS VEGAS, NV - APRIL 25:  Indiana Gov. Mike Pence attends the Republican Jewish Coalition spring leadership meeting at The Venetian Las Vegas on April 25, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Republican Jewish Coalition's annual meeting featured potential Republican presidential candidates in attendance, along with Republican super donor Sheldon Adelson.  (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
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Donald Trump Releases Tax Returns Into The Everglades

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Donald Trump Releases Tax Returns Into The Everglades

After months of controversy and evasion, President Donald Trump has finally released his tax returns into the tranquil groves of the Florida wetlands. Though the tax returns’ precise location has been kept classified to prevent further disturbance of the surrounding habitat, accounting experts assured reporters that the newly freed tax […]

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Trump Trades Nuclear Codes For Sweet Katana

March 11, 2017 9:54 am
Trump Trades Nuclear Codes For Sweet Katana
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Russia Behind Everything You Want To Happen, Everything You Don’t Want To Happen

March 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Russia Behind Everything You Want To Happen, Everything You Don’t Want To Happen

The Russian government has released a statement today, explaining that they are behind every single thing that you wanted to happen, and also behind all of the things you don’t want to happen too. From supporting our current far-right government, to backing the dissident actions of civil rights and labor […]

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Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

February 27, 2017 12:00 pm
Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

WASHINGTON D.C. – In addition to reports of Donald Trump having “too thin skin” because of his impulsive retaliations on Twitter against any sort of criticism, a recently leaked account of the president’s last checkup has revealed that his actual skin is quite thin too. It’s stretched so precariously over […]

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