Paul Ryan’s Son Winces as Bedtime “Atlas Shrugged” Reading Enters Hour Six

June 5, 2017 12:00 pm
A young boy is sitting sad and depressed on his bed in his bedroom

JANESVILLE, WI — Praying that his torment would end before sunrise, Speaker Paul Ryan’s eight-year-old son Sam winced early Tuesday morning as his father’s bedside reading of “Atlas Shrugged” entered its sixth consecutive hour. “You have been paying blackmail, not for your vices, but for your virtues,” the Speaker read, […]

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I think Donald Trump Is A Terrible Person, But I Sure Do Love His Music

12:00 pm
I think Donald Trump Is A Terrible Person, But I Sure Do Love His Music
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The Picture Wouldn’t Upload But I’m Just Gonna Describe the Political Cartoon I Drew

12:00 pm
The Picture Wouldn’t Upload But I’m Just Gonna Describe the Political Cartoon I Drew

The Trump administration must be shaking in its boots right now, if they have any idea the shitstorm they’re about to face. When the political cartoon I just wrote hits the mass media tomorrow morning, impeachment is going to be the last of Old Man Trumpy’s problems. Seriously, this little cartoon is […]

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Donald Trump Uncovers Conspiracy, Insists “This One Goes All The Way to the Top”

May 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Donald Trump Uncovers Conspiracy, Insists “This One Goes All The Way to the Top”

  Gripping tightly in both hands a stack of papers that he described as “terrible stuff”, President Donald Trump gave a press briefing early yesterday morning in which he described the details of an elaborate political conspiracy he’d accidentally uncovered, going so far as to insist that it went “all […]

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Op Ed: I Used to Think “Safe Spaces” Were Dumb, Then A Pack of Timber Wolves Started Stalking Me

May 19, 2017 12:00 pm
Op Ed: I Used to Think “Safe Spaces” Were Dumb, Then A Pack of Timber Wolves Started Stalking Me

If you had talked to me about politics a few weeks ago, I would’ve had one thing and one thing only to say to you: these college kids need to stop it with their damn safe spaces! Out in the real world, they can’t expect everyone to coddle them and […]

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Brilliant “Le Pen -> Lapin” Pun Wasted On You Anglophone Fucks

May 7, 2017 12:20 pm
Brilliant “Le Pen -> Lapin” Pun Wasted On You Anglophone Fucks

Attempts to cover the upcoming French election between center-right banker Emmanuel Macron and far-right professional Islamophobe Marine Le Pen have left media outlets enraged as they realize that their brilliant “Le Pen -> lapin” puns mean nothing to useless English speakers. “This is a catastrophe,” said leading satirist and French-speaker […]

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