Smallpox back, better than ever

November 14, 2017 12:00 pm
Smallpox back, better than ever

There are times in your life where you just stop where you are, and you feel this sudden and acute ache in your heart, like you’re missing something but you just don’t know what it is. Well, worry no more! The variola virus, commonly known as smallpox, is back and […]

Read more ›

Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Being Called Racist Just Because I Support Small Government, Lower Taxes, And Racism

November 13, 2017 2:10 pm
Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Being Called Racist Just Because I Support Small Government, Lower Taxes, And Racism

By Robert Spencer Over the last few weeks, Stanford has erupted in debate over the College Republicans’ invitation for me to speak on campus about the dangers of Islam. And while the ruckus over that event is bad enough — as far as I’m concerned, calling someone “Islamophobic” is actually […]

Read more ›

Nicolas Cage Not Accused of Sexual Harassment

12:00 pm
Nicolas Cage Not Accused of Sexual Harassment

In a shocking turn of events this week, Hollywood power player Nicolas Cage was not accused of sexual harassment. In the wake of horrifying reports concerning the sexual misconduct of Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., and many others, the general public and Hollywood insiders alike felt certain that the […]

Read more ›

Op Ed: If I Hook Up With The Girl Across The Hall, It’s Dormcest, But If I Hook Up With My Cousin Across The Hall, It’s Incest

12:00 pm
Portrait of boy going college with friends in background
Read more ›

Longboard Not Very Girthy

12:00 pm
Longboard Not Very Girthy
Read more ›

A Congratulations Is In Order: Kim Jong-un Is MARRIED!

11:59 am
A Congratulations Is In Order: Kim Jong-un Is MARRIED!

Can you hear the church bells ring and the children jubilantly chant? Well that’s because authoritarian ruler of North Korea Kim Jong-un is MARRIED, baby! It’s speculated that the marriage ceremony took place in 2009, but we just found out right now! This is long overdue, but congratulations on the […]

Read more ›

Proletariat of Hell Rise Up, Seize the Means of Punishment

November 8, 2017 12:00 pm
Proletariat of Hell Rise Up, Seize the Means of Punishment

In a stunning turn of events, word has spread that members of the eternally damned have risen up in a massive simultaneous revolt and seized control of Hell. This uprising rapidly gained momentum and ended with seizure of all of the infinite realm of torment by the revolutionaries, who seem […]

Read more ›

Faculty Senate Surprised That 50% of Students Actually Think Professors Care About Them

November 7, 2017 12:00 pm
Faculty Senate Surprised That 50% of Students Actually Think Professors Care About Them

After convening for their fist meeting of the year on October 27th, the Faculty Senate revealed a shocking statistic that as much as 50% of the student population are under the naive and misguided impression that the faculty care for their wellbeing. In between vague promises to implement more diversity […]

Read more ›

Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”

November 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”

In a move aimed to please humanitarians and psychopaths alike, Stanford’s Haas Center for Public Service has announced that it will be hosting and funding an on-campus “Turkey Slaughter Day” later this month. “Essentially what we’ll be doing is bringing in a number of turkeys in anticipation of Thanksgiving and […]

Read more ›

Doctors HATE This Man After He Discovered This One Weird Trick To Kill Their Families

12:00 pm
Doctors HATE This Man After He Discovered This One Weird Trick To Kill Their Families
Read more ›